The Mom-Dad

Hold on to your hats my friends- I believe Irene is right over our heads here in Fairfield County.  As I furiously prepare meatballs, sauce, pizza, minestrone soup and coffee before the electricity goes out I find myself smiling.  Im so prepared for this storm in every imaginable way.  I have been prepared since Thursday morning at 11:00 am. This is the way I live my life as a single parent juggling two children as well as tending to the needs of my Mother who has multiple dwellings.

She is well thank God and capable but she is in her seventies and has had health struggles and sadness in the past five years.  With my father no longer alive, she has struggled with missing him and her life has clearly changed.  There are aspects of life that she has not ever had to deal with. The pool is one of them as she has never stepped inside the pool house. My father tended to all the outdoor "stuff" with vigor. Now I tend to some of it as this is my role at the moment.  Im here to help my Mother as I did my Father when he was alive.

It is my desire and my great pleasure to help my family with everything.  My parents have given not only love and opportunity to all of my siblings and I, they also gave us tremendous freedom to explore the world and all that was available to us.  In fact I often think of the summer that I spent three weeks in Italy with my brother Anthony. We were in High school and we wanted to go.  My father who always encouraged us to  travel around the world was beyond thrilled.  With enthusiasm he paid for our trip and we had freedom to go as we pleased.  My parents trusted our behavior and intellect and with that came freedom. My brother traveled on to Budapest while I opted to go back to Boston as I missed Hector. Oh Hector, really- I gave up Budapest for you so the luxurious tunics that you send me at no cost.. well I think I deserve them. Im just kidding- they are in fact luxurious but I do not deserve them and by the way- your wife is extraordinarily talented.http://www.vkfashion.com/en/collections/taj/  Im grateful that you and I still have such a great friendship xo.
Back to my point here- -

Baby Come Back

My children are back home and my life is back to normal. Amen Amen

I enjoyed the freedom of having my house to myself to write and to think without interruption. I enjoyed going out shopping or to New York with friends and not thinking about whether or not the sitter has to get home. I actually enjoyed being slightly messy which came as a surprise to me. Im a very orderly person and teach the importance of this to Christopher and Giavanna daily.  I guess I needed a break from being the role model for my children.  It was good while it lasted but Im thrilled that it is over.

The bond I have with my children is like no other.
Christopher's birthday was yesterday so his homecoming was even more meaningful to me.  He wanted to spend his birthday home with his family, this sentiment was clearly expressed more than once. My children had a nice visit with their father however  they were out of their element. This was the first time that they have been out to visit California without me.  We drove to the airport and met their dad at JFK, he flew them to California and then back again to New York.
I would not have it any other way.
Im grateful that I have a long-distance divorce. It is a gift from heaven as my ex husband and I see life through very different lenses. They could no be more opposite. This intensifies with time so our interaction is more often less than enjoyable. We are simply water and oil and the frustration that we have with our differences is alive and well.  Distance is a friend to us.

Ironically, my house is neater now that my children are home.
Interesting- I guess I was rebelling ever so slightly and one day- I didn't make my bed heaven forbid!

Don't tell them that as I have to preserve my orderly and uptight persona and this would not bode well for me. Actually, Christopher is naturally orderly, it's Giavanna who tends to fling things in many different directions. She is more creative if you will,  and we must celebrate the differences that make are children who they are.
I love them both the same.  I realized this week that they bring a depth to my life that can not be filled by anyone of anything else.  I enjoy nurturing them and tending to their every need, desire and complaint.  I like fixing their problems, teaching them how to peacefully navigate difficulty,  and I truly enjoy having a kitchen and house filled with their friends.  I have always been emphatic about the nurturing of people in our lives who we love.
They have learned from me the value and importance of great friends. They cherish each of them and can not wait to regroup.  No different from myself- friendship is one of the most important elements in my life.

My schedule is more rushed, I have more groceries to buy and more bickering to tend with but my heart is happy.  My soul is nourished when my children are home and content. I will gladly take the challenges, aggravation and difficulty of raising two children on my own. The love that I feel for them and they for me is like no other.
Take time to enjoy your children, time passes quickly and one day you will long for them as you sit in your quiet and orderly home.  If you don't appreciate them today- send them across the country for ten days and then get back to me.  Have a nice day xo

Criticism- just say no

I recently read a very interesting piece of writing by author, W. Livingston Larned. I was in my parents house when I came across a book of short stories. I had the opportunity to relax a little bit this weekend so we headed to my Mother's pool and indulged. I began to read one of the stories called "Father Forgets". I found it simply yet the message was strong and meaningful.

We all raise our children differently. Some of us are more stringent with our expectations while others take a more laid back approach. "Father Forgets" recounts the sentiments of a father who is self-reflecting about the manner in which he reprimands his young son. This reflection comes in the night after his child is sleeping. Each day the father continually harps on the boy, telling him how and where and what to do. He yells at him for making a mess and not eating right and buttering his bread in the wrong manner.

His son is loving and affectionate, yet his father is not and continually harps on him finding fault in all that he does. From School to playtime, there is not a moment in which he does not see his son without a critical and judgmental eye. The father is unrelenting in his criticism until one night he is filled with guilt. He is overcome with emotion as he has pondered the continual mistreatment of his son and he is riddled with remorse. His own emotion renders distress and a sickening sense that festers inside of him must be released. He goes to his sons room and shares his soul with him.

The father comes to the conclusion that he has been treating his son as if he were a grown man. He had expectations that a little boy could not possibly live up to. He has been unfair and he was filled with sadness. He promised that going forward he would "bite his tongue when impatient words come." It is a meaningful two minute read that is packed with a great message. When I put down the book, I entered self reflection mode immediately and began to think of my approach to parenting.

As the sole custodian of my children, it is of extreme importance to me that my children are well-behaved, intelligent, well-rounded, compassionate, friendly, descent and grounded.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not direct, instruct or advise one or both of my children. I try to expose them to different cultures and encourage them to see how others live.

They know that they are fortunate and they have also learned that if they want to live with the finer things in life in a beautiful area, they will need to shine and work extremely hard. I try very hard not to criticize my children. I will happily reprimand them when they need it and correct them if I see their manners not appropriate but I do it in a very loving manner. Im mindful and approach child-rearing with great thought. On occasion we all get angry but if you get in the practice of being mindful of your words before speaking you can craft the outcome in a manner that will be far more beneficial to your child.

I teach Christopher and Giavanna with real example, and expose them to the truth. I take every opportunity to expand their knowledge well beyond the perimeters of my beautiful yet homogenized community. They have a great perception of people and behavioral patterns which Im very happy about. The trust that they have given me to guide them is 100 percent and Im blessed with kids that I don't have to scream at too often.

People are emotional and sensitive even if they don't appear to be. Be careful of your biting words as they will do more harm than good. I think Behjamin Franklin had it right. When asked what the secret of his success was he replied, "I will speak ill of no man,"... and speak all the good I know of everybody." Enough said......

Is School Out Yet !

What a long week this has been. I was happy to wrap it up last night with a Venti Cosmopolitan. I have become rather good at whipping up this delightful concoction, however the best one I have ever tasted was in Ridgefield at Luc's Cafe. Ludo- the French bartender insisted that he made the best Cosmo ever- and he absolutely does. It's worth the forty-five minute drive from Easton any day of the week, not to mention their Mousse au Chocolat. I can't even put into words how delicious it is other than I believe it is a gift from the gods.

Ask any Mother right now how they are feeling and I guarantee you that they will respond in the following manner -
"Im great but I have so much to do" or "Hectic, running around all day for the kids" or " I can't wait for school to end, so many kid parties, recitals, etc..."

We are all griping- with a smile on our face. We love our children, and their trillion activities. We are happy to go to hear them sing and dance and party it up with their friends. It's all happy and positive and wonderful- However....it's enough already!

By the time the school year ends, I believe that we are all maxed out. I can tell you that I have not missed a game, a practice, a try-out, a concert, a recital, a party or a parade even in a thunderstorm!! Yesterday I spent two hours in Giavanna's classroom watching the kids play and eat cupcakes. It was cute and sweet and meaningful however.... Enough already- Two hours is a big chunk out of the day and while I love my Giavanna- I have to tend to other areas in life to make her life even that much more enjoyable when she is not at school.

Brownie ceremony Monday Night- Christopher's School Party Tuesday- Early Dismissal Wednesday- another party for Christopher- another party for Giavanna and then Thursday- another party for Giavanna. Friday- pool, Chardonnay, friends and NOTHING- No schedule- no school- no lunches to pack. A day of Relaxation- is it possible.. oh no I think my cat has a vet appointment. Add cancel vet appointment to my to do list- sorry Miss Donatella- you are fourth in line my friend.

Mothers will be rejoicing everywhere next week but only for approximately four weeks. Then when you ask any Mother how she is feeling- I guarantee you that she will respond in the following manner. "Summer's great but enough already- I can't wait to get back on a schedule" or " Im so excited for school to start, there is not enough to keep the kids occupied- they are constantly bored are at each others throats."

They will all be griping again..... It's rather comical when I think about it because this occurence is predictable and right on point. I would put a thousand dollars on this one.

I have heard that too much of anything is bad... however I can think of a few things that I would happily take too much of. Spending time with a partner, fine dining, splurging on something meaningful, summer barbecues, spending time with family and soaking in time with your closest friends. I could go on with that list as life offers so many pleasures and one of them is the Summer.

Indulge, relax, get off schedule and calm down if only for a month. Your soul and mind need a break from all of the incoming messages and responsibilities. Slow down and appreciate your children and lack of structure. Summer will end in the blink of an eye and so will their childhood. Life goes by very quickly and every season offers delight.

Too often we daydream about what we don't have, and we wish our lives away. We think happiness comes from more money, more freedom, a better spouse, marriage, divorce etc... We lose the beauty of the moment and all of the blessings that we already have. Tomorrow will be here soon enough. Go feel the sunshine on your face today, even if only for fifteen minutes and think about how lucky you already are. We all want more- it's human nature but just for today- don't worry about tomorrow- be happy. I have to go- that sunshine is calling my name xo.