No Shortcuts with Love

A close friend of mine who is much older than myself once told me that you don’t truly become an adult until both of your parents have died. I think of his words and wonder about the truth in that statement. My Mother has stayed with us a few times over the past few years, most recently it was when there was construction being done on her new home. 

 I have not lived with my Mother since I was eighteen  years old and we simply approach life in an entirely different manner. First and foremost she is the ultimate perfectionist, with everything and most importantly around the caring of a home. Her house is always in order, immaculate and  it typically looks like it has just been cleaned. Our family home was always perfect and we knew as very young children that our home was always in great order.

 The relaxation of kicking your feet up could be done in one room. For those of you who know the house I grew up in you know that  my Mother is extremely formal -she is a collector of art, antiques and many items that were not to be touched. 

Our house was built around her collections and that part of our home was much larger than the area where the relaxing took place. Our home was beautiful and there was great love there but it was not cozy.
 It was formal and this is the style that she continues to enjoy. I prefer warmth and comfort while still enjoying the beauty of art. My grandparents house was the exact type of formal that my Mother recreated. To not be fooled into thinking that every chair is to be utilized to sit in. It is simply a style of living and it was the way I grew up.

My Mother never worked outside of the home and her entire life has been dedicated to the family and the hearth. Everything was homemade and there were no shortcuts in preparing meals.  There was no such thing as the delivery man as we never ever had a food delivery made to our home. I didn’t even know that getting Pizza out was really an option as my Mother made it for us.
 Pizza in a restaurant was deemed less than desirable.  We did dine out often but it was when we would head into New York City or go to an upscale restaurant. It was never for casual dining although on occasion we would go to a Greek diner.  Fast food was definitely out of the equation and pre made meals were not on the meal plan. My Father would never eat McDonalds or anything that could be picked up at a drive thru window.

  My Mother is a wonderful cook and the time that she took into preparation of cooking began each morning. I remember her washing vegetables and preparing whatever the speciality of the day was immediately after she has one cup of coffee and one piece of generously buttered toast. I believe the extra butter to this day has been the only slight excess that I have seen my Mother indulge in, gastronomically. I have never seen her overindulge with food 

I enjoy dining out, we live in an area where there are fantastic restaurants.   Im happy to go to Garelick and Herbs, A and S or Balducci's  and purchase pre made food for my family. In this day and age, with everyone running in a hundred directions, prepared food has become a way of life for many people.

My grandparents would have been very disappointed to learn that on occasion I have also opened up a bottle of pre made tomato sauce. My grandfather had the most gorgeous tomato garden that was always rich with red, juicy tomatoes.  

My grandmother used to jar them and give us prepared sauce by the crateful. What a wonderful gift and one rich in love and tradition.

His garden was always overflowing with beautiful vegetables. He knew how to truly tend to a garden and produce beautiful things. My grandparents would not be happy to know that on occasion if Im in a hurry, I will use Mario Batali's Marinara sauce, but that is only on occasion.

 I still make my own sauce and delight in recreating the aroma that I used to wake up to every Sunday morning. The smell of garlic, oil and onion cooking could only mean one thing. It was going to be an early dinner, we were going to eat pasta with some type of meat and salad. This was or traditional Sunday meal and my Mother makes the absolute best tomato sauce that I have ever had. I can't recreate it, I have tried on more than a dozen times but it just does not come out like hers. 

Perhaps it is the love and effort that I knew she put into it, and into all of her cooking. She never took one short cut, everything was prepared lovingly and deliciously by her hands. My Father loved cooking on occasion, he made the best French onion soup and was enjoyed making hand made gnocchi. 

He loved to eat and truly delighted in all that my mother prepared. My friends from college always wanted to come home with me, they knew what would be waiting for them as we entered our home. Delicious aromas and beautifully prepared food that was a wonderful change from cafeteria food. My family was definitely spoiled by my Mother.

 I do make homemade pizza but on occasion I do order it. Im running a very face paced life that is packed with obligation and parental responsibility.  It’s been hard  to hide the pizza boxes from my Mother and since she sees me running around all day, I think she is on to my tricks. It also resembles a pizza that looks nor tastes anything prepared in my own kitchen.

When I have time, I love to cook homemade dishes, sauces and stews but the truth is- Im always on the go. Cooking is a labor of love and huge effort. I never realized the effort it took because my Mother made it all look so easy. In fact, she made running a household and caring for children appear very easy.

 Now I know the challenges that she must have faced and truly appreciate all the love and effort that was beautifully given to my brothers and I and of course my Father. I am blessed to have such a loving and graceful Mother. She truly is a very special woman. xo

In The Moment

“If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.”

 E. Joseph Cossman

There are some days that we just cruise through. We happily accept the day for what it is and we are happy, contented because we are able to stay in the moment. Then there are the other days in which our worries and concerns take over our ability to simply just be. I have had those days on occasion and in fact recall one that I had a few weeks ago.

I not able to stay in the moment, I was projecting out ten years, fifteen years and it was completely unnecessary. I was worrying about my children, myself and where we would all be at that point in time. It was, a complete waste of my internal energy.

 Why are some days just simpler to digest than others.

Prior to my father being diagnosed with terminal cancer, I seldom worried about anything. Life was incredibly good and everything flowed very nicely. I certainly owe that to a very blessed childhood that was chock full of wonderful experiences and love.

 On that day when my father shared the tragic news with me, it truly changed my life. I had to learn to manage the challenge and fear that would accompany the situation. It truly changed me and was a huge turning point in my maturity as a woman.

 I have learned along the way how to process stress and have come to understand that our lives are unpredictable. We simply can not ever know what the future will hold for us. Yes, we can and should plan, but there will always be an aspect of life that we did not consider, or an illness that we never imagined or something, but it is something in which we didn't anticipate.

 I had such a solid and steady upbringing with that it  was a learned skill that I had to master.

 None of these topics add value to my life and can diminish one’s attitude toward society. I look for inspiration in people that are successful and love to surround myself with positive and upbeat people.  Some days are better than others. I think it is important to recognize when we are headed into a slump. Pay homage to your feelings but take control of them as well.

Tomorrow will take care of itself and as long as you are doing the best that you can possibly do, fear should not enter your soul. This is easier said than done but like everything, it becomes a practice. It is a practice that is well worth the investment.

Enjoy today for all it’s gifts and goodness.  

The positive is all around, it's just up to you to open your eyes and acknowledge it. xo

The Sexy Life… Location Location Location

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they all see the past better than  it was, the present worse than it is and the future less resolved than it will be.” Marcel Pagno

I found this quote to be wonderful as there is such truth to it. 

Why can’t we all just be in the moment, relish all that is flowing beautifully and take each day for what it is. My son always tells me that without challenges, success is impossible. I often laugh as he throws my own advice back in my face. It seems to sound much clearer when it comes from him.

 The truth is that life can present hurdles for each of us. I certainly never dreamed that I would be a single parent and Im not quite sure I ever imagined living on so many acres complete with a well. Who knew I would have to maintain a well, the thought of it actually makes me laugh.

 Having lived such a vibrant city life, this would be more of a challenge and weight on my marriage then anything. I looked toward him for stimulation, thus my divorce. 

 My ex-husband enjoyed the solitude of living away from a neighborhood. His job was stimulating enough and truth be told, he was jealous. I think there was satisfaction knowing that I would be living in isolation. I laugh as when we lived in the city, if a handsome man walked by, he immediately asked if I had dated him. I lived in Boston for fifteen years, and I m friendly. It is the easier place in the world to meet people and get involved in the community. Needless to say, I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. I loved every minute of it.

I wonder if other women feel the way that I do.

 I love being a mom yet living in an isolated area is absolutely my greatest challenge. I certainly get out quite a bit and Im extremely productive, but being surrounded by woods does not add comfort to my life.  

I need to see people and feel connected and it’s impossible when your neighbors are five acres away. I am grateful that I can hop on a train and be in New York City in little over an hour. I take full advantage of the proximity of the city but nothing compares to living to living in one.

 I like noise, I like stores and bright lights and lots of people watching. It gives me energy to be in an environment that is so alive and the possibilities seem endless.

 However, this time is not simply all about me, it is about the happiness and success of my children alas…. I  shall remain in the forest

All dressed up and living in the woods.. not bad for a book title. Thank god for all of my friends - we all like to meet up a few times a week or I would really have issues. I love all of them, they fulfill my life is many ways. Together we share the pleasures, difficulties and so much laugher which is incredibly delightful for my soul.

Perhaps one day I will embrace living in such a quiet area, like when Im approaching 98 if I should be so lucky. 

 I am however grateful for all that I have and know that I have truly been blessed. We have to appreciate the gifts that are sitting in front of us instead of looking under someone else’s tree. No one is without challenges, losses and hurdles that must be overcome.

So in truth the past was not better, today was excellent and tomorrow will in fact be whatever I make it. The fact that I will be snowed in and my flight to Florida will be cancelled may make that a challenge, or should I say another opportunity for me to make Lemons out of Lemonade. xo

Get Me Out Please!

I decided to stay home all day today to write and it's now four fifteen.  Im going out of my mind because I have not seen a single person all day since my kids left for school this morning.  Dear God- it's Me Michelle… is anyone out there. Clearly I was not cut out for solitude.

Living in the woods with no neighbors is definitely not my idea of comforting.  I like people thus the quietude around me is slightly disturbing. I enjoy the animals that share my property but lost interest after I found a dead mouse in my garage. I had to make sure rigamortis set in before I dare picked him up with a plastic bag. Another joy of living in the forest.

Im not a homebody and while I thrive in my role as a domestic diva, I can't wait to click on my heels and go out where there is life around me. On any given day Im typically overdressed so Im always ready to go.

In the summertime it gets worse for me as I think that on every sunny afternoon, everyone must be at the beach having a barbecue. When daylight savings ends it gets worse.
My sensibility goes out the window and I convince myself that Im missing out on  something. Im not sure why Im like this.  I just feel that if the sun is shining, there must be a party going on somewhere and Im missing out on the fun.

I also feel this way on Thursday nights, again I feel like the entire world is out doing something fun. Staying home on a Thursday night is never a good thing for me.  I went out last night thus Im home tonight and it feels very disturbing. I suspect this is because in my former life of living in the city, this was the beginning night of the weekend. vIt was okay to stay home Friday night but Thursday night was a must.

If Im not out by 11:00 am on Sunday, then surely Im missing some big brunch party. Clearly everyone goes to church and socializes and then goes out to Brunch- every single sunday- right?
Good thing most of my girlfriends are Jewish but then that means Im missing a big party at Temple. See I can't win.

Happiness is in Your Hands…..

Im wise enough to know that it is through adversity and difficulty that our spirit and soul grows and evolves into maturity. We must welcome those difficulties as they define our characters and challenge us to new levels of opportunity and understanding. On an intellectual level, Im aware of this and truly believe that each mountain to climb afford us a magnificent opportunity for change.

On a practical level, at times life can seem overwhelming and hard. Whether it is juggling family issues, health issues, spiritual or financial issues there are times where life appears to be an overload of everything. It is during these times that we must step away from the scenery and take a walk down a different path in order to gain a different perspective. It is during these times that we have to muster the strength to focus on the positive aspects of our existence. Take the time to focus on the good things that you are blessed to have whether it be healthy children or a great job. It can be something as simple as being grateful that you have eyes to see and ears to hear. We are all blessed in a thousand different ways.

Criticism- just say no

I recently read a very interesting piece of writing by author, W. Livingston Larned. I was in my parents house when I came across a book of short stories. I had the opportunity to relax a little bit this weekend so we headed to my Mother's pool and indulged. I began to read one of the stories called "Father Forgets". I found it simply yet the message was strong and meaningful.

We all raise our children differently. Some of us are more stringent with our expectations while others take a more laid back approach. "Father Forgets" recounts the sentiments of a father who is self-reflecting about the manner in which he reprimands his young son. This reflection comes in the night after his child is sleeping. Each day the father continually harps on the boy, telling him how and where and what to do. He yells at him for making a mess and not eating right and buttering his bread in the wrong manner.

His son is loving and affectionate, yet his father is not and continually harps on him finding fault in all that he does. From School to playtime, there is not a moment in which he does not see his son without a critical and judgmental eye. The father is unrelenting in his criticism until one night he is filled with guilt. He is overcome with emotion as he has pondered the continual mistreatment of his son and he is riddled with remorse. His own emotion renders distress and a sickening sense that festers inside of him must be released. He goes to his sons room and shares his soul with him.

The father comes to the conclusion that he has been treating his son as if he were a grown man. He had expectations that a little boy could not possibly live up to. He has been unfair and he was filled with sadness. He promised that going forward he would "bite his tongue when impatient words come." It is a meaningful two minute read that is packed with a great message. When I put down the book, I entered self reflection mode immediately and began to think of my approach to parenting.

As the sole custodian of my children, it is of extreme importance to me that my children are well-behaved, intelligent, well-rounded, compassionate, friendly, descent and grounded.
There is not a day that goes by that I do not direct, instruct or advise one or both of my children. I try to expose them to different cultures and encourage them to see how others live.

They know that they are fortunate and they have also learned that if they want to live with the finer things in life in a beautiful area, they will need to shine and work extremely hard. I try very hard not to criticize my children. I will happily reprimand them when they need it and correct them if I see their manners not appropriate but I do it in a very loving manner. Im mindful and approach child-rearing with great thought. On occasion we all get angry but if you get in the practice of being mindful of your words before speaking you can craft the outcome in a manner that will be far more beneficial to your child.

I teach Christopher and Giavanna with real example, and expose them to the truth. I take every opportunity to expand their knowledge well beyond the perimeters of my beautiful yet homogenized community. They have a great perception of people and behavioral patterns which Im very happy about. The trust that they have given me to guide them is 100 percent and Im blessed with kids that I don't have to scream at too often.

People are emotional and sensitive even if they don't appear to be. Be careful of your biting words as they will do more harm than good. I think Behjamin Franklin had it right. When asked what the secret of his success was he replied, "I will speak ill of no man,"... and speak all the good I know of everybody." Enough said......