I say that to my family and friends when the topic of divorce arises. Today, as I walked into the courthouse to file paperwork, I reflected on the fact that my divorce in 2007 while stressful always remained peaceful.
I was extremely happy with the outcome and most importantly that I would have sole custody of my children. This to me was the ultimate success in the outcome. My kids would not have to move around, spend half the week here and half the week living elsewhere. Holiday- never an issue as they were always with me.
The most important part of my life was not disrupted. I was able to give my kids security, predictability and comfort. I was lucky and they were as well.
Since our divorce, we have been back to court five or six times. The reasons never vary, they are always court orders regarding finance and healthcare coverage. Income changes, jobs change, healthcare coverage changes. It is all about finances, it always is.
Wait, hold on my friends, didn't I already do all of this back in 2007. The paperwork, the financial affidavit, the motions.
That nerve racking day filled with anticipation and concern. Divorce was not supposed to happen when I think back to my childhood fantasy of marriage and children. However, it did happen and I was so happy and relieved when it was over.
I was proud of my ability to represent myself, to study the formulaic aspect of divorce law and to feel prepared enough to present my case to a judge, without any representation. I felt great that day because I was not afraid and I walked out with all in my favor.
It was not but a year later that our agreement had to motified, and then motified again, and again and again and one more time it will be motified at the end of this week. The courthouse and I are no longer strangers. I know my way around, I know the security people as I hand my pocketbook over and take my watch off prior to entering.
I understand the court calendar and all the forms that need to be filled out. I am no longer in awe of the people that I hear in the hallways and office, the stories that alarm me, scare me and amuse me. It has all become a familiar place. There is no doubt in my mind that I should have been an attorney.
Im comfortable in that environment, there is an air of excitement and confidence that stirs in me as I walk up each step to enter the courthouse. Divorce never ends, you might think it will, that your case will be different, that all will settle into the past- perhaps you will start a brand new life and forget all about your previous marriage. It all sounds so simple and final. Get divorced if you are unhappy and move on.
You can in fact move on and be happy, just make sure you don't have the fantasy that your day in the courtroom is done. You may in fact have the fantasy of going back to school to become a lawyer. I have that vision everytime I walk up those steps. xo