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Monday, September 19, 2011

Relationships and Jealousy

  "A lot of people get so hung up on what they can't have that they don't think for a second about whether they really want it."

The power of jealousy is immense.  We have all experienced the ugliness of this emotion whether it is bubbling up inside of us or we are a recipient of it.   Either way, it is powerful, unhealthy and often uncontrollable. Jealousy is synonymous with fear, the fear of loss and the fear of others obtaining more than we have. It stems from deep within and is often the result of something that has festered within silently yet with vigor.  Perhaps it is rooted in a place that is often unvisited as it may be too painful.

Life involves risk and the more we love, the more we risk.  We love with passion and intensity. Our displays of love are all action related therefore in love we naturally want to move forward. The dance of relationships can be mind numbing and difficult.

The messages that we are often bombarded with are "show your emotions", "express yourself", "speak up"--  combined with "don't let anyone truly know how you feel, "keep them guessing", "never let them see you sweat".    My mother always told me to never call a boy and to always speak up.
This to me was a very conflicting message and I don't think it applies to me anymore. At least,  I hope not as I have no problem calling a man should I desire to.

If we can't expose our inner emotions to people, how are we supposed to create and maintain the intimacy that is required for relationships.  If we are always concerned that someone will "burn" us or steal our boyfriends, husbands or friends-  I think it would be impossible to have any real deep connection with anyone.

We must take risks and have the courage to proceed ahead in life.  We may lose relationships or people that we love. It is the chance we take and honestly we all have the capacity to move through loss and pain. It is not easy or fun but everyone has the capacity to heal. Time and nature has given us that ability, thankfully.

Jealousy is also very common in regard to material items. People see others with more and somehow feel inadequate. I have never understood that and it is most likely because I have lead a very fortunate life.  My parents were extraordinarily generous and I admit that I have been spoiled.

However when you live in Fairifeld County, there are always plenty of people around me that have more.. more of everything - nicer cars… larger homes - nannies- vacations- etc…..Im happy for them. Im happy for their success and I am happy that luck has been with them on their journey of handwork and accomplishments.

Life is not a zero-sum game. I think people would be happier if they worried more about themselves and less about how others are living. Jealousy is ugly and it creates ugly behavior. I can't think of one good thing that results from this emotion. It does not motivate one, nor increase self-esteem or peacefulness.
It does not stem from anything positive and if you want positive results- rid yourself of negative thoughts.  I know this is easier said than done and it is a process. It is a life-long process but each step can make an incredible difference.
You have nothing to lose by ridding yourself of  fear except negative thoughts and emotions that are never productive.  Rejoice in what you have and your own worth and remember that jealousy is indeed a very large monster. xo

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