Thanks for Reading Suburban Adventure

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Men Don't Do It

"It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one -- - Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things."

The development of boys and girls. It is fascinating to watch the difference between the sexes of my two children. I know they are classic textbook examples and yet Im still in awe.

I was aware of the differences as I was the youngest and only girl in my family of origin. I was the "baby" with two older brothers. I experienced the difference first hand, however this is different.

I have read enough psychology and sociology books to be a Professor and yet somehow observing it as a parent, under my own roof is a unique experience .

 I recall my Mother telling me that in her opinion it is much easier to raise a boy than a girl. She always said this from my youth and she continues to say it. Prior to having children, while I understood her words I did not have first hand experience. Until now.

I admit I have the good fortune of having children that are well-behaved and for the moment on the path that is expected of them. 
Watching Christopher mature into the young man that he is has been nothing short of pure delight.

He is happy, polite and an A plus student.  He has a wonderful group of male friends that he enjoys hanging out with and they are all very similar to him. The boys are simple, they play basketball, they joke around, they eat pizza and they ride their bikes. In the winter they ski and watch movies. 
Basic, simple and no drama.

 Im a no drama type of person so this is of great appeal to me and Im grateful and I thank God that he has given me no trouble or concern. I know that I am blessed.

Giavanna is almost eleven, she loves cheerleading, her friends, shopping and talking about boys and how icky they are. She has a new appreciation for designer clothing, makeup and all things that I  love as well. 

She has learned from me and from my Mother, as our love of fashion is simply in our blood.

It goes way back as when I look at all of the old photos of my great great grandparents, everyone is dressed well and fashionable. I enjoy this very much and my children also have an appreciation for nice clothing and the desire to dress well. This was something they learned by watching me and by listening to me as well.

Christopher has alway signed on to this. In fact, when he was in first grade I told him that he should always wear a collared shirt to school. He is now in 8th grade and not one day has gone by that he has not worn a collared shirt to school, whether a short sleeve polo or a nice dress shirt. 

I told him once and never repeated it again. I recently bought him a suit and he can't wait to wear it. He also has a great innate sense of style which is also a positive in my opinion.

I have watched my daughter go through different phases. The past two years have been cheer related sweatshirts and big colorful cheer bows. I wasn't crazy about the look but she was always neat and cute so I simply let her do her thing. This year, she wants to be dressed well. She wants to wear a little makeup and I see a budding transformation into what is coming down the pike.

 Her friends are just the same and they are all adorable and entertaining. I enjoy having them over and taking them shopping. It is fun for me as well.

The only difference and it is a very big difference is the cattiness and drama that I see developing. I don't like it and yet I need to teach her how to navigate the waters. This will be with her for a lifetime and I need to teach her to rise above, to not react to it. To move forward with her head high and a smile, not minding what others may say but rather being confident in who she is and how she wants to project herself. 

That internal confidence , it is a mindset and it is something that must be learned and practiced and truly felt. You can't fake it.

There is a girl who always comments on her clothing "Why are you so dressed up all the time". Giavanna hears this daily as I often have my entire life.
 Christopher hears it as well and he simply replies that he likes nice clothes. 

I often say it's just as easy to put on nice clothes as it is to put on sweat pants. Why people even care or comment is beyond my comprehension.

However why anyone cares is also not of my interest because I am confident. 

Christopher does not care because he is confident and in short order I will teach Giavanna not to pay attention to the words of those who comment on her clothing or her hair or how she chooses to present herself as well.

Girls and women in our society tend to be jealous of each other. I find this unfortunate and very much a shame. We should support each other, help each other and stand tall with each other in a sisterhood. 

It is sadly not that way, and I have to share the bad news with Giavanna that this is simply just the beginning. 

Men are different, they don't tear each other apart like women do. They don't really care to degrade or gossip about each other. Women do and I despise this. I think if confidence were drilled into girls as a young age, they would not head down this path.

Certainly  not all women are gossipy and catty but unfortunately throughout my lifetime thus far, I have experienced more than I care to. 

I don't pay mind to it and fortunately I never have. It is hurtful if you find out it is coming from someone you believed was a friend, but such is life and what you do what that knowledge is where there is growth on your part.

As women, it is crucial to be confident in who you are and how you project yourself. It takes work, it takes time, it takes practice and it takes having healthy people around you who have helped carve your confidence over time. 
I realize I was lucky to have that from my parents, not every woman did in which case you start with a disadvantage and have to work harder at it. 

It is my belief that it all begins with having a healthy confidence about who you and what you desire. Please help your girls with this at a young age. You will give them an advantage that will help them traverse through life with greater ease. They will thank you for it-  they will see that it will propel them beyond the immaturity of what will go on around them no matter what circle of life or society they may be in. Im also teaching Giavanna to never talk about people. 

To the extent that I make a positive difference in her life, I will be sure to teach her all I know. I will continue to build up her confidence so she to can traverse through life with a greater ability to focus on the things in life that bring her joy and happiness. I will teach her to ignore negativity that stems from jealousy and I hope that my effort will be fruitful. xo

No comments: