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Monday, January 9, 2012

You're Getting Divorced?

"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage." Ambrose Bicke

I ran into a friend of mine this weekend who I had not seen in quite some time. It came to a slight surprise to me to learn that she is going through a divorce. There are certain couples who just seem right together, this to me was one of those couples. I however know that when the doors are shut, we never really know whether a couple is happy or not.  You may think you know but you truly do not. I spent some time with her as I could tell that she was craving someone who understood the dark and empty place that she was currently living in. 

Divorce is incredibly taxing, stressful and disturbing on every level. It makes no difference if you want it, your spouse wants it or you both agree to it. The unraveling of a journey, of a dream and of a shared life together is extraordinarily disappointing.  It shatters ones sense of what they thought life would hold for them. It creates an adjustment that is anything but simple. It disrupts our children and their sense of what family life would represent to them. It effects our parents as they sympathize with our struggle to recreate our world as it morphs around us.

 Divorce also effects the relationships that we have with even our closest friends. In many cases, friends become distant and act differently perhaps out of insecurity or simply for lack of knowing how to deal with it. With divorce, life changes, people change, holidays change and it is a an enormous adjustment. No one prepared me for the mountains that I would have to climb during and through this process. I had no clue that my divorce would alter friendships and other aspects of life.

If you think that you can imagine what divorce is like, unless you have lived it you simply do not. Yes, you can imagine but it's nothing close to your imagination. Im looking forward to seeing my friend again soon as I think my experience can help her. I have been in it, through it and Im doing great. It's hard to imagine that life will resume in a pattern of normalcy, but thankfully it does. 

Divorce is hard but there is a light at the end of the long dark tunnel and it's sparkling, bright, beautiful and peaceful. It just takes a long time to get there. xo

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