Thursday, August 4, 2011
Love and Pain
I was ten minutes late to my great uncle's funeral.
Im usually punctual but Monday morning I was thinking about marketing and sales ideas. Im working with a group of wonderfully smart and talented women. I was hired by Susan Wakefield, a family lawyer of 22 years and her business manager, Susanne. They have a very interesting concept that I have experienced first hand. The business is called Connecticut Legal Coaching, LLC and is located in Southport CT.
Legal Coaching is for individuals who want to represent themselves in family court, yet they need or desire legal advice to help empower themselves and arm themselves with a real solid legal foundation. I recently had to modify my divorce agreement and wanted a legal coach. I found Susan immediately and my experience with her office has been wonderful. Im so happy to be working with them as I believe in the concept and I have lived the results. If anyone living in Connecticut needs their services please call Susanne at 203-292-9222 or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
Or, contact me as Im happy to discuss the process and introduce you to them. Anyhow...........back to Monday.
With my wheels spinning about ideas that I have along with my lack of thinking about my "funeral" outfit, I was in a rush. I had to be there for an eleven am service which was in Peekskill New York. I looked at the clock and gasped when I realized I would only have time for a fifteen minute shower and dressing. Okay, I can swing that- five in the shower and ten for the rest. I have been told that I take the shortest amount of time to get ready than most women.
I usually end up putting the finishing touches on in the car but whatever-Im fast!! I rushed out of my house and of course my Mother calls and wants to chat and then my cell phone rings and another friend needs to chat and now Im slightly later. I sped down 84- praying that I would not hit traffic. I was a half hour away when my phone rang.
It was one of my best friends who had very bad news to deliver to me. Someone who is dear to me was recently diagnosed with a terminal disease. I was driving, rushing and devastated. I felt like someone kicked me in the throat and I immediately wanted to cry but I did not. I listened to the details and hung up quickly as there was alot of traffic Monday morning.
This person is someone that my father introduced me to and I took to him immediately. His intelligence, warmth, humor, compassion and overall everything appealed to me. He is a wonderful man with whom I have a wonderful connection. We have never been romantically involved however at another point in time- this is someone that I would have absolutely connected with. As the song goes- It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along"- Now mind you if I actually dated him- I might be singing a very different tune.
The point is Im now struggling with this news. I arrived at my Uncle's funeral and when I looked at his casket I was so sad. The finality of life and the ritual of a funeral are so incredibly poignant. I was deeply moved by my two gorgeous cousins- Arielle played the flute while Allie sang and it was incredibly meaningful. Arielle gave a wonderful tribute to him and I held back my tears.
I observed the siblings of Cornelius- all in their nineties and looking terrific. They are cut from a cloth that is strong, intense, intellectual and steadfast. Their family means the world to them and they to their family. I looked at their children- my mother's generation and then of course to my cousins. I was moved as I thought of my great grandparents who came here from Italy for their family. What joy they would have to see the beauty of such a close family, rooted by and connected by tradition.
What delight they would take in seeing the success of so many of their offspring. I won't even mention the sense of style and love of fashion that flows through the veins of the D'Aprile family. I don't have to wonder where my pleasure of clothing originates from. The men in this family are wonderfully handsome and kindhearted especially one that despite his east coast Wall Street exterior- dreams of being outwest. I have a feeling if it were long ago, he would have been a rugged cowboy!
The funeral was sad and then we all went to a beautiful restaurant on the Hudson River and enjoyed the company of people we love. We drank wine and ate calamari and pasta and all the things that Italian people live for. Family, food, wine and great conversation. There is nothing better than that.
I had the great pleasure of sitting with the "boys" and it was wonderfully fun and enjoyable. We were there for hours and it once again solidified the bond of a close knit, loving and large Italian family. I am blessed to be related to each one of them. They accept me for who I am and are not judgmental. They have observed and participated in all the events in my life, both joyous and sad.
It was a day of such mixed emotion and wonderful richness of depth. You can't have the great times without truly feeling the pain of loss. We love, we lose and we grieve and then we must accept our fate and the fate of others.
I struggled with this in regard to the illness and death of my father. I still do struggle with it and his loss has left me with a gapping wound that will never heal. I accepted his fate but it hurts nonetheless.
The parallels of my friend, my father, terminal illness and having to accept the fate of life has rattled my week. Im sad yet so happy for all the blessings that I have in my life. I am happy that I can feel and observe and participate in a life so filled with beautiful family and phenomenal friendships. I was born into a wonderful place in time. Im grateful for all that is around me and I thank God that I can feel and love so deeply that when I lose someone I love- I lose a part of my heart. I long to kiss my children who have now been in California with their Dad for way to long.
It's the beauty of pain that most people don't see- I see it, I feel it and I live it daily. Please pray for my friend. The world is a better place with a person like him in it. Count your blessings and enjoy this day. xo