Bittersweet Memories

“Where we love is home- home that our feet may leave but not our hearts.”-   Oliver Wendell Holmes

I lingered, I walked into every room and attempted to inhale all of the memories and ghosts that lingered within the walls of my family home. I could see my grandparents, my father and mother- my brothers and I- all as young children in every corner.  It was as if I was rapidly changing the channels of a tv and the picture continuously changed with different events, some happy, others devastating as well as life just unwinding as it was supposed to.

It was time to sell the family home. My parents had owned it for 42 years and since my father died, it was too much house for my Mother to maintain. It was time for her to move on. I just didn’t realize it would also be my time to move on as well. Over the course of my life- the family home was my place of reprieve, it represented a calm and security that I had not been able to replicate. Although I lived in Boston for quite some time-  I continued to enjoy spending summer days by the luxurious pool with the anticipation of homemade food, excellent wine and again, that calm and secure feeling of being around my parents.

My children learned how to swim in their pool and they too learned of the enjoyment that continued to bring me back time and again. They were sad when they learned that another family would soon take over and they would no longer have access to the comfort and enjoyment of “their” pool.  As the closing date approached and the house was packed up, we indulged in the property and said our goodbyes to the house. When I walked into my parents bedroom and it was empty, my eyes filled up and I quickly swallowed the lump in my throat. It was truly time to let go of the place that had held such meaning in my life and it was a reality that I truly accepted.

I walked around one last time and took the energy and positive feelings with me. I didn’t look back as I locked the door one last time. I drove back to my own home and had a great conversation with my children. They told me that they feel the same way about our family home as I did about my parents house. The feelings of calm and serenity and comfort has been recreated for them to enjoy. Im now the provider of all of those things to my children. A sense of peacefulness eased into my soul and I was content with this knowledge. My only issue now is to find a pool but the more important aspects of life have already been created and that’s a wonderful feeling. xo