The Grass isn't Greener it's simply different. That was the last thing I said to my friend as I bid her farewell and she jumped back on the train headed back to Manhattan. I have not seen her in 2 years but we speak all the time and Im well aware of her unhappy marriage. She is in her early forties with two young children and she has a great job. To the outside world, it appears that she has the world by the tail. Not only is she beautiful but she has a great job and she lives on the Upper East Side. Her children go to private school, she has an au pair and her husband is a successful attorney. Most women would envy what appears to be a marvelous existence but she is miserable and has been for years.
Since my divorce, many women have come to me in search of knowledge, friendship, advice and guidance. Im happy to share my experience as a divorced woman who has gone through the system and has continued to live alone raising children. I offer them the truth and the brutal honesty about being divorced- it ain't easy my friends and it's not what I had in mind as I was dreaming about my Happily Ever After.
No one sets out to get divorced and I don't know anyone who can stand going through the arduous and often contentious process. I have been divorced five years and still had to go through the stress and aggravation of another drilling by an aggressive attorney last week. Back to court yet again and Im quite sure it won't end until my children are grown.
If financial privacy is what you seek for the love of god do not even think about getting divorce. You will have to disclose all of your assets and how you spend every dime. It's so intrusive and this time I found it more so as I imagined my ex husband sharing all of my financial data with his new wife.
I can imagine the commentary as she took in the cost of living in Fairfield County. Good thing we live across the country, it has certainly made my divorce much simpler. Our grass is definitely green but it takes quite a bit of effort to keep it that way.
I have the great fortune of a wonderful family who has been generous in every way. I do not have to share my children so I can raise them alone. I live in a wonderful community and I have the best friends that anyone could ask for. The grass isn't greener, it's different- it's one that I never anticipated or imagined yet it is also one that I have embraced and accepted. I no longer dwell on my state of being divorced and Im thrilled to dive into new adventures.
Divorce does not bring happiness, it brings a different state of being. It creates the hope for all things anew and exciting but it is also challenging. There are stresses that one never would never imagine in a state of matrimony. Things one never had to think about now are thrown in your lap and life is an enormous adjustment. It also presents different things at different times. It can provide instant relief as well as instant loneliness and the feeling that you have to conquer all of life's challenges alone. It is exciting and it is overwhelming it just all depends on the day.
I wish my unhappy friend the best in whatever her decision may be in regard to her marriage but one thing I have given her is the gift of honesty. I paint the true picture of what her life will be like should she take the path chosen by me. I emphasize the good, the bad and the ugly and just like a marriage, all three things exist on the other side of the fence. xo
PS- Alice- this one is for you- Thank you for your insight, wisdom, inspiration and kindness. You truly are a rare gem !