Thanks for Reading Suburban Adventure

Monday, June 13, 2011

Underwear Model

All I can say is that the following story could only happen to me. It doesn't surprise me or shock me but rather makes me laugh. I often feel like the guy from Candid Camera must be hiding somewhere and is going to bring back the show with his most comical scene starring me.
My life isn't wildly exciting but I find humor in situations more often than not. Im grateful for my ability to laugh as it simply makes life much more enjoyable. I love joking around with my children and my friends can always count on me for some sort of humorous happening. My ex husband never thought I was funny. He didn't appreciate my dry sense of humor or style of delivery. If I recalled a situation that I thought was hysterical, he often looked at me with a blank stare and a half smile. It was obvious that the connection in regard to humor was lacking. I in turn did not find his style of humor amusing either so it worked out beautifully. Thankfully others did or he wouldn't have such a successful career as a morning personality.

Yesterday we were all looking forward to a nice quiet Sunday morning. Our trip on Saturday to New York City was incredibly fun and we loved Mamma Mia. We also went to the Rock City Cafe and had a wonderful meal. We had the great pleasure of meeting Robin who is about to embark on a successful career in Media. He told us all about his upcoming internship at Channel 7 and was happy to take our picture as he spoke of his love of photography. I always find people in the city so incredibly friendly and as Christopher and I were walking back into the crowded streets- he commented that he thought people in cities were much friendlier than folks in the country.

I smiled when he said this as I believe both of my children have cultivated an interest in all that Manhattan and Boston have to offer. They appreciate my love and desire to eventually move back to a city and they have signed on to the idea of that. Perhaps I won't have to wait until Giavanna leaves for college however- I believe that staying here in Easton is one of the best decisions I have made in awhile. Needless to say we were all exhausted yesterday and happy to relax.

It was around nine am that Christopher came running downstairs and out onto the deck. I was on the phone with a good friend when he told me there was an emergency. My instinct is not react as I always like to preserve a calm environment - I simply stared at him listened . He explained to me that he just removed a tick that was embedded in his skin. He showed me where it was and I noticed visible swelling and a brown mark. He had removed it himself and counted the number of legs so he was quite sure he removed the entire tick. I ended up taking him to the doctor just to be sure.

The nurse was visibly unhappy to be working on a Sunday and I was not overly happy to be there. We left the house so fast that I threw on my new white tennis shorts that were incredibly clingy with my new tennis shirt- ditto with the clingy but bright orange. Apparently Under Armour is supposed to be fitted to be most affective- okay whatever. Im so much better at getting dressed up and love looking fashionable- complete with heels. I do NOT enjoy the sporty look at all but knew that we would eventually be playing tennis so I had no choice.

As we hit our next destination- Stop and Shop- I felt like all the women were giving me the up and down. Im quite used to that on a regular basis and typically could not care a less. Since I was wearing my new shorts yesterday I cared a little bit more. I consulted with my children as they are brutally honest. Christopher and Giavanna- are my shorts too tight- are they too white- are they too short- do I look alright-or are they just too too-

They chuckled at me and told me I looked great. Such nice kids and very smooth. I quickly finished my shopping and could not wait to get home to shower. As I unpacked my groceries- my realtor walks into my house. I look at her perplexed as my open house does not start until 1:30 - or so I thought. It would actually be starting in ten minutes. Nightmare- my house is not quite ready- I desperately want a shower and I simply want to remain in my house on this rainy chilly Sunday and throw the tennis idea out the window. My party was over so in a very hyper state- I ran around my house and started hiding laundry, throwing things in any drawer and ordering Giavanna to dust bust the crumbs that she left in the family room. We rushed out of the house as the doorbell rang and moved on to our next destination. I felt in disarray.

My brother was waiting for me at my mother's house in Fairfield to give me an hour lesson on balancing the ph in her pool. We went over the motor and the sand filter and the chlorine etc... this was a refresher course since I took care of her pool last summer. I won't even get into my fight with algae and the numerous cute sundresses that are now rags due to chlorine spots. It is not the most glamorous job but we do use her pool frequently so Im the pool maiden. It stopped raining so onward to our final destination- The tennis court. I decide however that Im not participating and was able to reach out tennis pro.

I introduced Christopher to tennis when he was three. I love the sport and he is an excellent player. He started playing with teenagers on the tennis team when he was nine. His love of the sport is readily expressed and he wants to play tennis every single day. I decided to pay for private court time with our tennis pro who has won the Davis cup several times. He was the number one tennis champion in Africa for over five years in his youth so needless to say, he is an incredible player and a great teacher. He is so fun to play with and he really makes you hustle.

There is only one problem with this situation. As my friend Kelly suspected two years ago when we were playing at the club regularly- he indeed has a crush on me. I never believed it or gave it much thought as I couldnt possibly be attractive in sneakers and it made no difference to me. We enjoyed the game and had a great time. Yesterday as we stepped out of the car, I glanced over and noticed that our tennis pro was not alone. He was accompanied by a very striking, tall and extremely exotic looking man. There was something about this guy that was different from anyone that I had met around here. He reminded me of some of the guys that I had met while I lived in Boston.

He told me that he was born in Kenya but grew up in Paris. Giavanna and I sat with him as my son played tennis. He told me about his children in Paris and his nomadic lifestyle. I didn't dare ask many questions about him as he looked like he could be trouble and I didn't want him to think I was interested.
It wasn't long before he started telling me that I should go out with his friend. That he liked me and Christopher and we should have him over. I put a rapid end to that conversation with a touch of humor as well as the serious message that I was involved already. Thankfully I was saved by the bell. My phone rang and it was one of my best friends. I wanted to get away from the conversation of me going out with the tennis pro and wanted to give him a taste of the position he was putting me in. As I glanced down at my phone I said to him- oh I love this girl, you should go out with her. I was kidding, he however was interested.

I told him that I was joking,and that she was happily married. It didn't phase him and he wanted to see a picture of her. I was laughing and told him that I would take his picture and send it to her. He put up his large, very muscular arm and said NO ! I thought I had offended him as he had a very thick accent. Perhaps he misunderstood my jest- this is one dude that you don't want angry at you. I got a little bit nervous.
He then said- I have a picture to send her- to which I replied - "oh is it from your portfolio"- clearly I was kidding so I was thrown for a loop when he said yes, in fact it is.

I anxiously awaited for his picture to be delivered to my Blackberry and as I opened up the file- I just about died. This man was up on a huge billboard in his underwear. He was a real live underwear model- a Ralph Lauren underwear model in the flesh. Now it all made sense. The nomadic lifestyle filled with travels to Europe and California- the four hour gym work out and of course the exotic look.

I started to laugh and as Christopher packed his tennis gear, I ran onto the court and showed him his picture. While we were in Manhattan our new friend Robin expressed that Christopher looked like a Ralph Lauren model so that made it even more humorous. Giavanna retreated to the car, it was too much for her to handle and she smiled as she hid in the backseat. I was feeling extremely ugly on the spot and could only find humor in this situation.

What are the chances of meeting an underwear model on a hectic Sunday afternoon on a public tennis court. Where is that Candid Camera guy- Im still waiting for him to pop out and yell "Smile, your'e on Candid Camera". Oh, and if you want to see the ad starring my new friend please email me at Im happy to indulge you. Only me....

No comments: