Thanks for Reading Suburban Adventure

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mating ,Marriage and More....

I wanted to be an Anthropologist from the age of ten until the age of sixteen. I was attracted to exotic cultures and the ancient worlds that were so foreign to me. I dreamed of traveling to Egypt and the Middle East and often found myself imagining the excitement of discovering some ancient article that helped answer some of the questions that surrounds many ancient civilizations My father also had a love of Anthropology and told me that he would take me to the Egyptian pyramids and to Mexico to study the ancient Aztecs and Incas. I loved the thought of that and he encouraged my interest and attraction to different cultures. He encouraged my brothers and I to travel far and wide and wanted us to live- if only for a summer- in foreign countries.

I was a tomboy as a child, my brothers and I used to spend hours catching frogs and playing in our backyard which was connected to the trails of the Audubon. We caught strange toads and I had no problem picking up strange and slimy creatures. In fact, I loved it and there were few things that could tear me away from the streams and lily pads. It was a tomboys dream- nights were filled with softball games with my older brothers and swimming. Frogs and Softball- not many people believe this about me but my brothers can both testify that I was an active participant in both activities.

Then it happened, I turned into a girl and everything changed. I was the ultimate girly girl- what a surprise. While I still had a passion for exploration, the thought of digging in the dirt and wearing ugly clothes ruined my future of traveling to distant lands and sleeping on the floor in a tent. My dream of becoming a famous Anthropologist disappeared down the laundry shoot with my new Calvin Kleins.

Oh it was indeed a disappointment to my father, but he would have taken me to Egypt regardless if he were still alive. We shared the same Wanderlust and love of discovery. After my Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he did not retreat but rather threw himself with vigor into life. He became very involved with a group of scientists who researched and explored mummies in different cultures. He was even on a National Geographic Show called The Mummy Roadshow.
He went to Italy with a team of doctors, scietists and researchers. They filmed the program in an old Church and determined the cause of death for several of the people who had died years ago. It was awesome and right up my alley. I believe that this experience was one of the absolute highlights of my Fathers life. If my Dad were alive today, Im quite sure that I would be able to twist his arm to take me somewhere ancient and exotic.
It saddens me that this dream has been forever crushed, I do however take great joy in knowing that my Father and I had so much in common.

I recently read a book by a brilliant Biological Anthropologist by the name of Helen Fisher. I find her take on men and women and relationships to be wonderfully fascinating. She actually divides men and women into four different behavioral categories. She breaks them down according to behavior and then explains why we are drawn to certain types. The four categories in which she explains are the following: Explorers, Directors, Builders and Negotiators.

Explorers are risk takers, they tend to be curious and creative. Builders are cautious, but not fearful, traditional and extremely loyal. Negotiators are broad minded, compassionate, intuitive and nurturing and Directors are very analytical, decisive and tough minded. These four types have been studied and she claims have emerged out of genetic literature as well as from a study done on 40,000 people. Fisher believes that Explorers are drawn to Explorers, Builders are drawn to Builders and Negotiators and Directors are drawn to each other. I find all of this so interesting.

The idea is that in order to facilitate effective communication, one must use the words that ring true to each different category of individual. I believe that this theory is extremely accurate and it doesn't take long to figure out which category you and your spouse fall under. She believes that particular brain chemical systems are related to certain aspects of personality. I have often said that how people interpret things is very much related to how the message is delivered. This confirms my sentiment on that subject.

When women are searching for a mate, it is obvious that they are drawn to good genes. We want our children to be intelligent, strong and hard working. No one knows the true answer to why people get restless in marriage. I can only speak for myself and if you ask me sometime- I will be happy to share it with you. Fisher has done research on divorce and her statistics have concluded that most marriages struggle in the fourth year. The seven year itch is truly a four year itch. Her research dates back to 1947 and covers approximately 62 countries. I have faith in her conclusion.

There is so much data on marriage and relationships. As well as a million different theories on what makes a relationship thrive. Is it a similar background, one that is rooted and secure. Or perhaps a combined desire to seek adventure, maybe a balance of all things different. I believe that if you truly take time to get to know a person, it won't be too difficult to understand what will encourage them to be open and honest or closed and secretive.

You can't be too sensitive as everyone is different. You might be a wonderfully open expressive person, yet you have fallen in love with a somber, quiet person. If that's who they were when you met them- either accept it or move on because even if you think your magical powers can change them- it is unlikely that you can undo years and years of a persons makeup.

However, if you can understand their communication style, you can change your delivery and approach and it will make all the difference. Instead of expecting a spouse to be just like you, cherish and appreciate their differences. Explore vario9us methods of communication. If you pay attention and have patience and a true desire to be with someone, you owe it to them to give them space and time. I think it takes years and seasons to truly understand the core interior of an individual.

If you have a chance, take a peak at "Why Him, Why Her? Helen Fisher is one of many reasons why I regret that I don't enjoy getting my shoes dirty. Maybe in my next life I too shall be a Biological Anthropologist. Until then however, pour me a glass of Chardonnay and I will read about her study of mankind in the sun on my back deck.


kiraly said...

Anything about a 17 year itch? lol

Robin Montas said...

My father always makes comments similar to the conclusions made by Fisher... and apparently, they are both right.

Ms. Bravo said...

Kiraly- that's so funny