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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Suburban Adventure- Marriage, Divorce, Remarried and More....

“Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.”

Marriage, Divorced, Remarried and More

I don't think there is one woman on the planet who did not have the perfect plan in mind for the ultimate marriage. We set out on our journey of young adulthood with visions of a family, a loving and passionate union and a marriage that will survive the test of time. Love is all we needed, the rest would certainly sort itself out. Love will see you through anything. Divorce will never be an option, at least that is how I approached marriage later to find that in fact, divorce was the best option. I speak only for myself and Im pro marriage, I just happen to be happily divorced as well.

The path is set out before us, with examples of happily married couples everywhere- most couples in their late twenties are  so excited and in the midsts of excited plans. At this age, we see  newlyweds who are in their utmost bliss.
 All around us, our friends are celebrating and getting married. Love will find us as well and we will join the rest of happily married people and then, only then,  will our lives will be complete. Certainly our jobs satisfied us, as did our friendships but the true sign of contentment, from my observation was the belief in saying I do and settling down. 

 The cast of people around certainly add to that sentiment - "You're next- When's it going to be you- Have you met anyone special yet- You're not getting any younger you know".  As women, we begin to hear all of this at around 24 or as one's friends begin to get married.
 All of those comments add to the belief that marriage is the ultimate goal.  It was certainly something that I desired, believed in and was excited about. I just didn't realize the important elements that I required in order for a marriage to truly survive,  well not just to survive but to truly flourish as well as nourish.

To survive in a marriage, well that can be simple if we lose the ideal that we so long for in our minds. Being married, without true happiness would not suffice for me,  but it does offer an aspect of life that is convenient. Depending on ones situation, it can offer financial stability, a safe haven and a predictability which may be crucial for an individual. 
I enjoy speaking to people who are married, divorced, remarried, single, widowed  about relationships. In fact Im fascinated and yet never surprised to hear that many people stay together for the sake of convenience. Staying married is certainly simpler if simpler is what you are looking for. I also love hearing that people are madly in love and would chose the same partner if given the choice. I think that's wonderful and those who have that experience are truly blessed.

Those who believe in true love feel that if they just find the right person, all will fall into place and there are those who want more and believe that they can create the perfect situation for themselves. We are all different and unique individuals who crave different aspects of a relationship. The quest is personal and no one can tell you what you need to make your heart happy. Everyone thinks they know, but truly it comes from inside. 

If your heart is happy, you will feel peaceful and settled.  Relationships require balance, effort, respect and attention as well as the desire to be together, mutually. Im not convinced I have all the answers to what would make a marriage successful.  I am however confident that I know what makes a very happy and loving relationship and for me personally, that is priceless.

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