Thanks for Reading Suburban Adventure

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Miscommunication- The wave of the future

“Don’t brood, get on with living and loving. You do not have forever."
There is clearly something about my personality that invites friends as well as strangers to open up to me on a very deep level. 
I consider this a wonderful aspect of my being as I truly enjoy offering the most optimistic and realistic advice possible. I realize that in the larger scheme, I would have thrived as a psychiatrist and often feel that I have missed my calling.
My friends are happy and my counseling as well as theirs comes at a very inexpensive rate depending on where we decide to have lunch.
I keep thinking about an issue that is so simple and yet Im having a difficult time giving the “right” advice. Alexandra called me two days ago stating the following- “I met a great guy the other night at a party.  We along beautifully, we have much in common and he took my number.” 
 Sounds great I replied. She then immediately began complaining that he has been texting her but not calling her. I know that texting and emailing are a great way of communication but not initially after you meet someone and instantly click. If you want to just flirt and have a nice short exchange all day.. Im great with that but it needs to accompany a real conversation. 
I told her to just pick up the phone and call him. Alexandra is very different than I so my suggestion was clearly not well-taken. She decided to text him and thus he sent her another text, but alas........ he did not ask her out.  He did however continue to text.
She lives in the city and has a very full life. Her job is intense and busy.  Im quite sure she doesn’t need a pen pal.
The way in which we are connected has completely changed with the immersion of technology. 
All is all it is fantastic but if you think you can have a deep relationship by texting, there is going to be a problem. Texting is a great and fun addition to a relationship that has already been established and is rooted in sincerity.
 It is a fun way to keep in touch with people however, it’s problems are obvious.
Inhibitions are lost and words are texted without sincerity and with ease.
 My friend TJ and I always miscommunicate via text if more than a hello is texted. We interpret each other incorrectly 98 percent of the time. I often think he is irritated, and he thinks Im being “sassy”. 
The reality is neither. We realized it the other day and it was hysterical as I read back to him his words, in the manner in which I interpreted them.
 I was way off and all of our arrangements would have been much simpler, had we simply picked up the phone and had a conversation. I love to make quick plans via texts, express my love and other sentiments via text but other than that, it’s better to simply call me.
So, my advice to Alexandra was to move on to the next. The most basic functional aspect of a relationship has to be rooted in communication. As Madonna says, Express Yourself- whatever that means to you- it better be established in the very beginning of a relationship. I know that it was lacking in my marriage despite effort to change it. 
If it’s not there in the initial stage of a relationship, it is unlikely that it will be. If anyone has additional advice for her, I would love to know what it is. Have a nice day xo