Husbands, Pictures and Life

“Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.”
― Marc Riboud


I couldn’t sleep last night which is nothing new and probably has to do with the fact that I do not enjoy the process of going to sleep. I think too much and the quietness of the forest along with the darkness of the night creates the perfect environment for thought.

 Last night I was wrapped up in the thought of my ex husband and his relationship with my children. Im not sure why this was on my mind as there has not been any conflict and he is coming soon to stay in my house while I have a quick getaway. I have always allowed him to stay in my house to ensure the comfort of my children. It also gives me the opportunity to hop in the city for a night or two, and it saves my ex husband the cost of a hotel. It has always been a win-win for all of us.

Many of my friends and family whether they are divorced or married can not understand how I can possibly allow him to stay in our home. I simply put the best interest of my children first and it there is zero afterthought for me. 

The process of divorce and the aftermath is anything but fun and can at times be frustrating and annoying. It can simply bring out the worst in a person, if you let it. Tempers flare and feelings that were once loving and affectionate are now brimming with anger and disgust. I always wonder how a relationship can turn so easily but it truly can. 

I think the scary part is that as it turns to new found negative feelings, one can hardly remember the loving feelings. I have to look at photographs to confirm that I actually did have – at one point- very positive feelings toward my ex-husband. The pictures look great, we look excited and loving toward each other. It is obvious that we both wanted to get married and assumed we would be sharing our entire lives together. That was the plan, as it is for all those who set out on the path of matrimony.

Three years ago when he arrived at our home,  I made him get in a photo with all of us because every single year- each child is asked to bring in a photo of the family.

 I was tired of scrambling to assemble pictures of us not together so I decided this year would be different.  We were all together at Giavanna’s first communion so I figured the timing was perfect. The photograph was taken by a friend, we looked like it was some kind of torture to stand next to each other. He more than I- I suppose this is because I was doing it for my children, he must have thought he was doing me a favor.  The point being is that pictures always speak a thousand words.

I was half smiling, he was stiff and it looked nothing like a photo that would have been taken ten years ago. It’s not that long of a period if you think about it- from loving affection to obvious discomfort-- like two strangers that were forced together in a picture and told to act like they knew each other. 

 It is very interesting to me and I personally know that relationships can change like the seasons. 

I take so many photographs and I find it simply amazing that you can chart the course of a relationship through the photos. Often time the pictures turn into a movie that has the most loving and beautiful ending. We know that not all movies end the same way. The good news is that there is always a new movie playing every month so the opportunity for renewal is there for the taking. 

None of us know how our movie will turn out. Surprises, changes and life circumstances change the best of intentions. We are thrown into tumultuous scenes on occasion and we can't imagine the outcome. 

Have faith in the journey, have strength despite the unknown and understand that even the most beautiful picture can change. Celebrate all that brings you joy this moment as it truly what matters the most. xo