Thursday, January 5, 2012
Marriage, loneliness and such
"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own." Ben Sweetland
My eight year old daughter invited me to live with her the rest of her life so I wouldn't be "lonely" in my old age. Her kindness and warmth continually move me and Im grateful that she is so considerate. Clearly she has already been programmed to believe that marriage brings the solution to loneliness. She is too young for me to tell her the truth of my experience. In my opinion there is nothing lonelier than living with someone with whom you are not connecting with or perhaps doesn't understand the depth of your personality.
My ex husband was a morning radio show host and he went to bed by 8pm every night. He slept in the afternoon and our schedules were entirely different. There were times when he was leaving for work and I was still awake reading or thinking. He couldn't comprehend my lack of desire to sleep and my burning passion to have time alone, uninterrupted. I find the late night hours incredibly peaceful and thus have always been a creature of the night. Our interests and passions were truly night and day.
I wouldn't say that I have ever been a lonely person and have always surrounded myself with engaging and compassionate people. I have someone to share my life with and I have the freedom to indulge in life as I please and raise my children in the manner in which I desire. The world, as I see it is my oyster and the opportunities that I have to engage in life have increased over the past few years. I do not have the "guarantee" of a husband to grow old with and Im not so concerned about that either.
Marriage does not always provide the peaceful oasis of contentment that it may appear to. What looks like comfort and stability can often be a prison in which one's creativity and desire to expand are limited. Everyone has a different situation and I certainly celebrate the institution. Im happy that Giavanna has a positive view of marriage despite being brought up in a single- family household. She sees the advantages that marriage certainly brings and one day will understand the multiple facets of this union.
In the short term- Im happy that Im grooming children that have compassion and kindness in their hearts. They will experience life as it unfolds and will comprehend the decisions that I have made as an adult. Although I believe as they mature they have a wonderful understanding of the relationship that transpired between their father and I. I have always aspired to be open and honest with them in regard to my decisions.
They will understand that happiness first and foremost comes from within. I will continue to teach them that internal satisfaction is rooted in their own hearts and that the love and kindness that they expand to others will fulfill them immensely. xo