I had a great conversation with a friend of mine who I have known since I was fourteen years old. She was laughing as she commented that on her way to the grocery store she passed my house and my mailbox was on the ground and trashed. On her way home, it was repaired and all was back in order and this was in less than a two hour period.
She knows most of my history and particularly knows that since I have gotten divorced- I have incorporated a few men in my life who tend to every possible need that should arise. Im fortunate for all of the kindhearted and loving people that care about me and my family. The topic quickly changed to marriage as she was out this weekend and commented on the fact that many people she knew were getting divorced.
As we were talking I said the following- lose the expectation that marriage equals happiness and all will be fine. She quickly responded that she loved that quote - to which I replied- what did I just say?
We laughed for a bit as we further discussed how we know so many people that are unhappily married. I always ask my friends to name five couples that they know who are extremely happy with their spouses. I have yet to have one friend come up with five. This to me is a very sad commentary on marriage.
My Mother often worries about me since Im divorced. I agree with her that it is indeed "too bad" that my marriage did not work out. However I assure her that I have a great situation. My kids are doing wonderfully well and Im surrounded by great friends and men in my life who contribute to my well-being in several different ways. Would I like to get remarried again- perhaps- however- at the moment my focus is on raising successful children and being internally happy as an individual.
If I looked around and observed happy couples all around me perhaps I might be swayed. This is not the reality that I see. All around me I see dissatisfied people, in search of more.
I see people cheating on each other and I see women who desperately hold on to men who will never change. I also see men who are so insecure that they hold on to past relationships simply to make them feel desirable knowing in their hearts they will never commit to them. I see people satisfied with getting less than they deserve in relationships and holding on in the hopes that happiness will not elude them forever.
It in fact would be wonderfully refreshing to hear from you long-term happily married couples. If any of you happen to be my readers- please email me at ciaobravobravo@gmail.com and tell me why I should feel differently than I do. Inspire me and enlighten me- I would be fascinated to hear what makes a marriage successful aside from tolerating someone who annoys you.
I want to hear from people who are genuinely happy not from those of you who are staying married for the convenience of doing so. I challenge you to change my opinion on marriage- please I beg of you.xo
My Mother often worries about me since Im divorced. I agree with her that it is indeed "too bad" that my marriage did not work out. However I assure her that I have a great situation. My kids are doing wonderfully well and Im surrounded by great friends and men in my life who contribute to my well-being in several different ways. Would I like to get remarried again- perhaps- however- at the moment my focus is on raising successful children and being internally happy as an individual.
If I looked around and observed happy couples all around me perhaps I might be swayed. This is not the reality that I see. All around me I see dissatisfied people, in search of more.
I see people cheating on each other and I see women who desperately hold on to men who will never change. I also see men who are so insecure that they hold on to past relationships simply to make them feel desirable knowing in their hearts they will never commit to them. I see people satisfied with getting less than they deserve in relationships and holding on in the hopes that happiness will not elude them forever.
It in fact would be wonderfully refreshing to hear from you long-term happily married couples. If any of you happen to be my readers- please email me at ciaobravobravo@gmail.com and tell me why I should feel differently than I do. Inspire me and enlighten me- I would be fascinated to hear what makes a marriage successful aside from tolerating someone who annoys you.
I want to hear from people who are genuinely happy not from those of you who are staying married for the convenience of doing so. I challenge you to change my opinion on marriage- please I beg of you.xo
2 comments:
We've only been married for 15 years, which to me isn't "long-term" (like my parents' 55+ years)... but being married is the best thing I've ever done.
Absolutely one can be happy single (and I was -- very) but there is nothing like having a permanent partner to go through life with and raise children with. (Did I just end a sentence with a preposition?)
I think most couples I know are happy... those who were not are not a couple at this point.
The reason you may not hear about happy married couples is that just as it's in poor taste to brag about one's children -- I would not go around talking about how happy my marriage is -- especially to single or divorced or widowed people.
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you so much for writing to me. Great ending point about people not bragging about happiness. Im delighted to hear that being married is the best thing that you have ever done.
As I said, the more positive comments I hear about long-term marriages the more inspired I am. Thank you for helping to restore my faith.
Congratulations on your successful marriage.
xo
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