Thanks for Reading Suburban Adventure

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Dear Hector, Keith, Ramesh, Ennio etc.....

Some of my closest friends are my ex-boyfriends. Good thing Im not married anymore as my former husband did not enjoy this aspect of my life. He in fact met several of them and was no longer intimidated by them once he had the opportunity to spend time with them. I was thinking of this as I received an email invitation from one of them today.  It was a dinner party invitation and his entire family will be there. Im looking forward to attending this fall.

I told one of my friends about this invitation and she found it odd that I was still in touch with him after over twenty years. Wait until she finds out that Im in fact in touch with all of them except for one as it was a very tumultuous relationship. All of these men are married with children and are all doing well. I speak with some more than others but cherish each one of them for a variety of reasons. I love the history that I share with each of them. When I speak with any of them it takes me to a place in time, where life was infinitely simpler.  Im still in touch with my 8th grade boyfriend-KG, the man that I once attended many formal dances with-DB, my boyfriends from college-EC, my not so serious boyfriend -RI and then of course my longest relationship and first real intense adult boyfriend- Hector. We were together for 8 years or more.

These men know me better than most people and understand the dynamic of my family, my values, my upbringing, my divorce, my wants and needs and my history. We had wonderful times together and sadly none of those relationships survived however the basis of them did which was friendship. I treat my friends with respect and while breaking up is horrendous, clearly it was done in a respectful manner in both directions. The friendship was preserved and with time, stressors and history have all intensified. As I said, my ex never liked this aspect of me but I just told him it was a result of me being a good friend. I actually found it odd that he was not friends with any of his ex-girlfriends. To each his own however, I have to say that all of these relationships mean a great deal to me.

They were all there for me through each stages of my life thus far and I for them.  They have met my children and I have met theirs. Perhaps their wives are not comfortable with me but our relationship is one of importance and not shameful so it is part of the package. We are not sexually involved or flirty with each other,  we simply have a history, a richness of connection and the ability to maintain a friendship that is strong enough to stand the test of time.

Don't be jealous of an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.  There is a difference between a genuine friend and someone who is out to make trouble or steal your partner away. The differences are glaringly different and you will know what their objectives are rather quickly. A good friend wants the best for you and doesn't hit on you if you are involved. If this is not the case then you might want to question the intend. Im glad that I have had the opportunity to maintain all of my male friendships. They are insightful, interesting, fun and I love asking them their opinion on life and happiness.

Thank you to all of my ex-boyfriends. I have learned from you and I have spent amazing moments with you. I have cried with you and I have shared my most interior self with you.  I love each of you differently and respect all of you immensely. All of your wives are wonderfully lucky to have such great men in their lives as husbands and as fathers.  The basis of a great relationship truly begins with a good friend and I have the splendid fortune of having many. xo

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