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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Commitment phobic

It seems to me that the tables have turned. Women it seems, are more commitment phobic than ever before. I was reading an article in Women's health that covered this very topic and I found it to be of great interest. Apparently in a survey conducted by Match. com, men are more anxious to have children, spend their free time with a spouse and have children.  Men apparently crave together time.  All of this does not come as a surprise to me.

In our society men are perceived as being less eager to commit. I have never found this to be the case and in fact the men the men that  I have befriended, dated or had relationships with have all been rather interested in spending most of their time with me.  In regard to marriage, I have yet to meet a man who never wants to get married and have children.  I think it's a misconception and I have cracked the code gentleman. 

It is my belief that men crave the institution of marriage more than women do. Well, let's rephrase that since Im viewing this from the divorced woman's perspective at the moment. I believe that we all seek the same things when we are in our young adulthood. We want a partner to share our life with and build a family and future with. If you are lucky and your marriage survives the turmoil of life then rejoice and be glad. If this is not your fate, then perhaps you will be in my situation- happily divorced.

In my happily divorced state I have come to many different new found conclusions.  Men get remarried much faster and with more gusto than women do. Interesting... and I have the reason why  and again this is just my opinion. 
When men get divorced, they lose the comfort of a housekeeper, a cook, a personal shopper as well as a personal organizer. They lose the gift of a mother tending to their children 24-7, a live in doing laundry and they lose their friends as most of their friends were originally their wives friends husbands. They are now on the "other side". Their  male friends now see them as a potential threat to the well-being of their marriages and guess what... your male friends wives now see you as a wild party guy who may influence their own husbands into the dark and wicked world of divorce or freedom. Oh, and you will lose much of your savings, furniture and anything else that has value.  Better to get remarried fast !

When women get divorced they lose a heap of dirty laundry, dishes in the sink, someone nagging them about the credit card bill,  dinner that must be prepared on time and in a certain fashion and a good portion of grocery shopping.  We lose much more than that but all joking aside,  I do believe that women fair better tending to themselves than men do. Perhaps it is our conditioning but I see it almost daily.

You don't know what you will lose or desire once you get divorced. Time changes your list of must haves. The other night I went out to dinner with my Mother and two great couples that are long-time family friends. We were sitting in the middle of the Patterson Club and I was across from my Mother's friend. She is lovely and sweet and across the table inquired if I was interested in getting married again. I gave her a big grin and said NO... thank you. They all laughed and continued to comment about the women of today, being independent and happily capable of doing whatever they so desire.  

People seem to enjoy asking me if I want to get married again. I find it an interesting inquiry- I did it already so I know what Im missing and frankly I enjoy my freedom at this point in time. I have companionship, friendship, great male friends and helpers... all that's missing is a pile of dirty laundry and someone nagging me about the credit card bill. I really miss that.... not really.. xo

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