Ring My Bell

I do not enjoy an unexpected visit from salespeople of any sort at my door. There is only one exception to that rule which is children selling things for the organization in which they belong to. Im happy to support a good cause and like to see children involved in fundraising so they get a free pass. Everyone else- if I don't know you- BEWARE.

My former husband was extremely friendly and was happy to open our door to any stranger. I would often get extremely annoyed as Frank the Cable Representative or Mary from The Fabulous Gourmet Meat Car would be standing in my foyer, chatting it up about the weather and then on to the sales pitch. He would engage them as I would wrap it up with them up immediately. Im not shy nor reserved so this was a relatively simple process for me. The truth is, if someone is on my property and in my house and I don't want them there-they will get the vibe from me instantly. Let's just say it is not my usual warm and fuzzy - think more along the lines of godzilla.

I feel so strongly about this that last year I shopped around for some estimates for an iron gate with an intercom system. I opted not to get this simply because I already feel like Im cloistered away in the forest, the gate would confirm that I was indeed living in Snow White's forest. A reality that I have not accepted, actually this is not true- I have embraced the forest- sort of. I think the animals get that vibe as I have spotted many of them closer to my house lately. The squirrel tails and fox tail half chewed from another animal on my doorstep must certainly be some sort of friendly gesture. Who needs to pay for a zoo when both fox, deer and turtles come right up to my office window, how delightful just put your house cats and small dogs away if you really care about them. My kids and I panic should Donatella disappear for long- the thought of her escaping outside is a dreadful thought. Im quite sure she wouldn't last for a minute with all the wild creatures in our zoo.

Over the winter, my ex was staying in my house for the night. I hightailed it into Manhattan with a friend and we checked into the Jumeriah Essex House for a night of indulgence. The next day when I arrived home, my children could not wait to tell me all about Romie Romana. Who is this mysterious woman named Romie and as I saw my kids chuckle- I saw the big Cable vision folder with her name on it. "Did you let her in our house" I asked in an unfriendly manner to which my ex replied, yes I told her to come back on Monday. Okay, look I know the guy doesn't live with me anymore but he did for just shy of ten years. Did he not remember that itty bitty fact about me. I DON'T LIKE AN UNEXPECTED SALESPERSON IN MY HOUSE ! Apparently it is one of things that didn't matter as he had a different opinion.

My friends, a gentle reminder that oil and water indeed do not mix just in case you have the out dated idea that love will conquer all. If you think you are different, you are and nothing will ever change so either embrace the differences or keep on moving- just a little advice for my single readers.

The kids enjoyed "telling" on their father for letting Romie in our home. He also let her use the bathroom and gave her a glass of water. Okay, now I feel very violated- too much Romie and I don't like her already.
Is it not enough that I have always let my ex stay in my home when he comes to visit. Most people are shocked when I tell them that however - he moved to California when my kids were 3 and 5. Would you want your little ones in a hotel with their dad who is probably exhausted from a red eye flight and is half asleep. Need I say more...please- stay in our home and I will even supply you with your favorite beverage- Diet Coke! However...... DO not let strangers in my home. Oh and if you need to reach me- I'll be in Manhattan.

Monday night arrived and sure enough my doorbell rang, and rang and rang. I didn't want to answer it but this little pest was relentless. I answered the door and she was extremely pushy. I told her that I was happy with Directv. Thank you Romie, have a good night. She wouldn't leave and was so persistent. I was as nice as I could be but she was pushing me. I raised my voice and she finally left. My children proceeded to tell me that Romie was so chatty with "daddy" and he engaged her as well. He told her about his profession and she was be- dazzled..She used to listen to him at WKTU.. I think she had the misconception that he lived here... Sorry sister you have to deal with me and Im not that charming when your a pushy annoying sales person at my doorstep. Romie gave up on me and I reiterated to my child to never to let a stranger in your home, ever.

One week later on a dark winter evening, as we had just sat down, my doorbell rings. I would guess it to be around 6:30 pm and it was pitch black outside. I had not yet turned on my front porch lights. There are no street lights in my city-like town so at night- good luck to you if you lose electricity. It is the darkest of dark that you can imagine, throw in the wooded acres of forest and you can't even see the reflection of the moon- which wasn't out that night.

I got a little nervous as someone had traversed my property in the pitch black. Strange I thought, as what could be more unwelcoming than a dark house that's up a long drive with no sign of life. That would be enough to send me in the other direction. I quickly put my alarm on and try to see who is at my door without them seeing me. There is no car in my driveway but then again perhaps there was... I could not see a darn thing from any window or any angle. Im wondering where I put my pepper spray- oh shoot I never bought it- I had the intend by never did... okay so now what.

The doorbell continues ringing for a period of ten minutes. Of course it would stop then start, but it was continual. In a short period, my fear went to sheer anger. Who dared to stand on my property and disturb our family like this. Think of a lioness guarding her cubs as Im now ready to meet my doorbell ringer- whoever they are- will indeed wish that they had not disturbed us at dinnertime.

I turned on my lights and there she was- Romie Romano standing there in all of her Optimum cable glory. I opened my door with the chain still hooked up and told her that I was not interested. I have never met anyone so pushy and aggressive, she ignored me and continued on with her sales pitch. I ended up raising my voice and finally telling her to leave my property and if I ever saw her step foot on it again- I would immediately call the police. She still did not leave as immediately as one would anticipate.

Thanks to Romie's persistance and my reaction- this is the running joke in our family. My kids thought it was so funny that she had the nerve to come back and be so bothersome in the dark.

The fact is the event truly helped my children to see yet another example of why their parents marriage did not work out. I have been honest with them and truth be told, my ex and I are simply different. We were raised differently, we have a different approach to parenting, managing money,and basically everything. He is laid back California all the way and Im uptight upright fast paced East Coast all the way. Opposites certainly attract but if you don't share the same goals and style of life the long haul may be rocky. At this point in life I want someone who is similar to me. Opposite is a deal breaker. Oh and don't misunderstand me- I love a Visitor who is my friend, but please call me from my driveway before you ring my doorbell.

Remember Beware of The Lioness...Perhaps I should have that engraved on my new welcome mat. Is it subtle enough?