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Tuesday, January 17, 2012


 "When you teach your son, you teach your son's son.  The Talmud"

A friend of mine who has been divorced just a year longer than I just announced that she is getting remarried. After a tumultuous and unhappy marriage, she met a wonderful man and is happier than she has ever been. When you get divorced, your vision and plans for the future change and become rather murky. The opportunities and direction that your life can go in suddenly takes new meaning. There are options that present themselves that are entirely different than those once anticipated and your capricious nature can throw everyone off.

My eleven year old son has made it very clear that he does not want me to remarry- ever. I suggested that he wouldn't mind so much when he is grown up and living away from me. What bothers him so much about the thought of me spending my life with someone. He is certainly okay with me having a boyfriend.

It's interesting as my daughter has absolutely no problem with the idea and I think she would in fact enjoy it. A son with his Mother is however a very different story. Perhaps as he matures he doesn't like the idea of another male in the house or perhaps he is simply protective of me. In time I suspect if I did get remarried he would learn to accept it.

Or, it could wreak havoc in our very happy and peaceful home. As a mother who made the decision to divorce, I feel that I truly owe it to my children to provide them with a home-life that is secure and rooted.  I have been successful in doing so and thus far my children are thriving.

Everyone has a different formula for success. If you are getting divorced or are divorced, I suggest that you are extremely mindful of the effects that your family life has on your children.  My formula has worked incredibly well and as a divorced parent, I truly believe that the desires of my children must strongly be considered. They certainly do not control my decisions however if you want your children to thrive, there are times that we must give up our some of our selfish desires to maintain stability. It's the least we can do as parents.

Perhaps with maturity, my son will change his mind and welcome another male living in our home however I don't see that happening anytime soon. My situation works for all of us at the moment and so I will rejoice in the peace and harmony that I have carefully crafted around me. xo

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