Meeting Someone Special

I have to be honest, I was nervous tonight. It wasn't the type of nervous that one feels when taking an important test or embarking on a new and daring adventure. This was a type of nervous that Im not quite sure that I have ever even experienced.  It was a unique feeling that threw me off guard and yet it was very real.

Today, I met the man that my Mother has been dating since Christmas. He is the first man that she has dated consistently since my Father died seven years ago and he is very kind. He is just the type of man that Im happy to see her with. They enjoy similar activities and engage in the same social circles and it has been wonderful for her as Im quite sure it is for him. Their happiness is easily enjoyed by those around them.

It was just different to see her with another man. Not different in a bad way, it was simply different.

It's funny as I kept thinking of my father. I could see him smiling and hearing him say, it's fine, it's good for her. He would in fact say those things but somehow I have arrived home and I find myself missing my  father more than ever. Perhaps it is the realization that he is truly gone, and yet how ridiculous that sounds. He has been dead for over seven years. So what it is it then that makes me miss my father more than ever. Tears were rolling down my face as I drove home and yet I was so happy for my Mother. 

Emotions are complex. As children, no matter how old we are,  perhaps we simply yearn for the parental union that gave us security. To lose a parent it truly one of the most difficult of life' s events.  Therefore, this evening has brought a different type of perspective to me as I think of my children and how they perceive my relationships post divorce. Why should they feel any differently than I do. Whatever man I happen to be with is a replacement person. He is not their father nor should they feel a father like bond to him. 

It's amazing. Perhaps the feelings that I have experienced tonight happened specifically for that reason. I get it now. I get the perspective of a child observing their parent involved with another person who is not the original parent and you know what... it takes getting used to.  I couldn't be happier for my Mother. She has been alive, vibrant, happy and at her best the past few months. I couldn't ask for more and Im thankful for this relationship. It is nothing short of spectacular. 

We all have to grow up some time. The important part of being mature is learning how to be adaptable and accepting. I shall do this for my Mother as I hope my children will in turn do it for me. Life is full adventure and surprises and Im so thankful for all of them. xo