Friends

I actually went to bed last night before midnight and slept until five am. Miracles never cease and a Cosmopolitan with some friends was undoubtedly helpful. Im still stuck in 1997 with my favorite cocktail but why mess with a good thing. I awoke this morning with the same song spinning around my head that was playing last night in my mind. It's like I have a little cd player in my brain that is stuck on the same song. Why on earth the song is "Friends" by Jodi Watley is beyond me. While I do not deny being a big fan- it was back in 1986.

I sing all the time around my house. One of my not so extraordinary talents is that I typically know the lyrics to every song that I have heard twice. I entertain my kids daily with some sort of song that I sing to them and enjoy the fact that they too- love music. My ex husband is in the radio industry so the influence of music, all types of music is prevalent in this household.

"Friends are hard to find, friends yours and mine, friends Im talking about your friends. "Friends will let you down, friends won't be around, when you need them most of all your friends". (Jody Watley).
This is the verse that has been playing in my head for two days and while I love the song, I find the message rather sad. I have had a different experience and I thank God for that. My friendships have saved me, enriched me and delighted me.

I have many friends from all stages of life. Im still friends with one of my Kindergarden friends and my best friend from when I was 13- is still one of my closest friends and I love her. I nurture my friendships, I tend to them and I cherish them. I put effort into maintaining contact and make sure that I always ask them how they are even if Im dying to talk about something that may have occurred in my day. I still speak with my high school friends, my college friends and my friends from Straumann- the dental implant company that I worked for in Boston years ago. Im still friends with several of my ex-boyfriends which many people don't understand. The simple explaination is that the basis of my intimate relationships has always been friendship. I believe that men and women can indeed be friends and Im thankful for the many male friendships that I have cultivated over the years. They have been a wonderful influence on my children and a great sense of support to me.

My girlfriends and I always joke around that when we are in our eighties we will all live together in Florida. We have decided that we will buy a large house and hire a live in nurse and servant and spend our last years taking care of each other. This is with the assumption that all of the men in our life have gone before us. A retirement home with all of your BFF's. Ladies seriously- can you think of anything better than that! Let me know now if you want in so I can add you to the growing list. We are thinking Sanibel Island but if you have a better idea, feel free to drop it into the suggestion box.

All joking aside, I love all of my friends and I have taught my children the importance of cultivating new friendships and maintaining the old ones. I explain to them that it takes effort and attention and you might be the one bringing more to the table. I have taught them by example as they have met the friends that have enriched my life for years and years. They find it amazing that I could possibly have such a long history with someone. I want them to have many friends and to be open to being friends with those who come from different cultures and places.

When I left Fairfield county and moved to Boston to attend Northeastern University, I was exposed to a whole different world. The school was enormous and right in the city. There were thousands of students from all over the world. No more blond hair and blues eyes but rather a gorgeous blend of different skin tones and some of the most exotic people I had ever met. I gravitated toward the upper class South Americans and Lebanese students. I had more in common with them as we were brought up in similar fashion. We went to the best restaurants and the trendiest nightclubs.
I listened to stories of their countries of origin and met their families when they came to visit. Our love of family and our passion for enjoying life was the common thread that we all shared. These friendships were the most wonderful part of my college years and Im thankful that I have maintained contact with many of these people.

I have met their children and spouses. I have watched their dreams come into fruition as well as diminish as they try to grapple with the inevitable pitfalls that life can present. More importantly I have watched them grow into accomplished and sensitive adults who are also interested and capable of maintaining close friendships.

My Grandfather always said that if you had eight friends to carry your casket, you have lead a successful life. A sad thought yet beautiful. I witnessed the impact that a life can have on people at my father's wake. I was in awe of the numbers of people and the stories that were told of the kindness, generousity and compassion that my father so graciously extended.
My father's friends were heart-broken when he died. He had gone to lunch with a group of them five days before his death. He had plans to go to the Opera with one of his best friends three night before he died. They were by his bedside the night before he passed and they shared their disappointment and sadness as they knew they were losing such a reliable and caring friend. It was the most difficult experience for me and yet there is a beauty that I have walked away with that has forever touched me.

My Father was a wonderful to friend to everyone. Although he was a very intelligent and successful doctor, he was grounded and down to earth and so incredibly warm. He loved people and people loved him. He did not discriminate and was a friend to people of all backgrounds. His generosity and compassion had touched the lives of so many people. I was astounded at the numbers of people at his funeral. I will never forget the lesson that he taught me about how to be a caring and nurturing friend. It was his example that guided me. It is a valueable and beautiful gift that I was given. I have passed it on and shared the message and hope that my children will do the same.

Take care of your friends, wish them well when they succeed. Do not be jealous of them for a true friend is not jealous. Help them in their time of need even if they are doing something that you may not agree with. Reach out to them if you have not heard from them and they are going through difficult time. Support their decisions and hold their hand. Be there for them even if they have nothing to give to you. You might not think that you are making a difference but you are and it will be forever appreciated.