The Party Is Here!

“Silence and solitude are more distracting to me than chatter and commotion”. Marilu Henner

Im quite sure that my parents did not feel the need to entertain us all the time. Certainly they took us to New York and we went on vacations but as I recall there was plenty of time in which we had to amuse ourselves. 

It wasn’t that difficult - we had plenty of neighbors and the ability to walk outside and connect with others. 

The neighborhood provided built in outdoor fun. I can barely get my kids outside and I hardly see hoards of children playing outside so it’s hard to coax them into believing that outside is the place to be.

I guess we can blame it on modern technology and simply the manner in which we all live. I think it creates a very isolated existence and I can’t imagine that the long-term effects of that will be positive.

 I reassure myself that my children get plenty of socialization while they are in school and involvement in other activities and yet I struggle with all the “indoorness”.

 Perhaps this is just a result of having lived in a city for so long. When you live in an apartment, you tend to spend most of your time outside. There is stimuli and people around the minute you walk out the door. You are instantly engaged in life and simply walking down a crowded street to grab a cup of coffee feels like a minor event. I find the manner in which I live to be extremely lonely and yet I go out more than most of my friends. 

I felt this way when I was married as well so I cannot attribute it to being divorced.

 Perhaps its the solitude of the woods around me or the fact that I can’t walk out the door to grab anything but the paper.  I thought after ten years of living like this I would be used to it and yet there is a longing that takes a hold of me every so often. Thankfully I can hop on the train and be in New York City in under 90 minutes. I love the excitement as I approach the sites and smells of Manhattan, or any city for that matter.

Those who know me well- know that I always have the idea that there is a big party going on somewhere and Im missing out on it.

 Intellectually I know better, and yet there is always that little part inside of me that feels like Im the only one doing the mundane tasks of life. 

How ridiculous it is for me to feel that way especially when I hear others gripe about similar struggles. None of us enjoy doing laundry and cleaning our homes. We all dream of going on a nice tropical vacation complete with every type of service available to us. 

 I don’t think Im different from other people out there however it’s my own voice I hear the loudest. 

So off I go to tend to the chores of life. I will try and embrace all that I must tackle perhaps tomorrow will bring that big party. If not, I will make a fabulous plan anyhow. xo

The Sexy Life… Location Location Location

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they all see the past better than  it was, the present worse than it is and the future less resolved than it will be.” Marcel Pagno

I found this quote to be wonderful as there is such truth to it. 

Why can’t we all just be in the moment, relish all that is flowing beautifully and take each day for what it is. My son always tells me that without challenges, success is impossible. I often laugh as he throws my own advice back in my face. It seems to sound much clearer when it comes from him.

 The truth is that life can present hurdles for each of us. I certainly never dreamed that I would be a single parent and Im not quite sure I ever imagined living on so many acres complete with a well. Who knew I would have to maintain a well, the thought of it actually makes me laugh.

 Having lived such a vibrant city life, this would be more of a challenge and weight on my marriage then anything. I looked toward him for stimulation, thus my divorce. 

 My ex-husband enjoyed the solitude of living away from a neighborhood. His job was stimulating enough and truth be told, he was jealous. I think there was satisfaction knowing that I would be living in isolation. I laugh as when we lived in the city, if a handsome man walked by, he immediately asked if I had dated him. I lived in Boston for fifteen years, and I m friendly. It is the easier place in the world to meet people and get involved in the community. Needless to say, I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. I loved every minute of it.

I wonder if other women feel the way that I do.

 I love being a mom yet living in an isolated area is absolutely my greatest challenge. I certainly get out quite a bit and Im extremely productive, but being surrounded by woods does not add comfort to my life.  

I need to see people and feel connected and it’s impossible when your neighbors are five acres away. I am grateful that I can hop on a train and be in New York City in little over an hour. I take full advantage of the proximity of the city but nothing compares to living to living in one.

 I like noise, I like stores and bright lights and lots of people watching. It gives me energy to be in an environment that is so alive and the possibilities seem endless.

 However, this time is not simply all about me, it is about the happiness and success of my children alas…. I  shall remain in the forest

All dressed up and living in the woods.. not bad for a book title. Thank god for all of my friends - we all like to meet up a few times a week or I would really have issues. I love all of them, they fulfill my life is many ways. Together we share the pleasures, difficulties and so much laugher which is incredibly delightful for my soul.

Perhaps one day I will embrace living in such a quiet area, like when Im approaching 98 if I should be so lucky. 

 I am however grateful for all that I have and know that I have truly been blessed. We have to appreciate the gifts that are sitting in front of us instead of looking under someone else’s tree. No one is without challenges, losses and hurdles that must be overcome.

So in truth the past was not better, today was excellent and tomorrow will in fact be whatever I make it. The fact that I will be snowed in and my flight to Florida will be cancelled may make that a challenge, or should I say another opportunity for me to make Lemons out of Lemonade. xo

Saying Goodbye

“Where we love is home- home that our feet may leave but not our hearts.”

I lingered, I walked into every room and attempted to inhale all of the memories and ghosts that lingered within the walls of my family home. I could see my grandparents, my father and mother- my brothers and I- all as young children in every corner. 

 It was as if I was rapidly changing the channels of a tv and the picture continuously changed with different events, some happy, others devastating as well as life just unwinding as it was supposed to.

It was time to sell the family home. My parents had owned it for 42 years and since my father died, it was too much house for my Mother to maintain. It was time for her to move on. I just didn’t realize it would also be my time to move on as well.

 Over the course of my life- the family home was my place of reprieve, it represented a calm and security that I had not been able to replicate. Although I lived in Boston for quite some time-  I continued to enjoy spending summer days by the  pool with the anticipation of homemade food, excellent wine and again, that calm and secure feeling of being around my parents.

My children learned how to swim in their pool and they too learned of the enjoyment that continued to bring me back time and again. 

They were sad when they learned that another family would soon take over and they would no longer have access to the comfort and enjoyment of “their” pool.  As the closing date approached and the house was packed up, we indulged in the property and said our goodbyes to the house. 

When I walked into my parents bedroom and it was empty, my eyes filled up and I quickly swallowed the lump in my throat. It was truly time to let go of the place that had held such meaning in my life and it was a reality that I truly accepted.

I walked around one last time and took the energy and positive feelings with me. I didn’t look back as I locked the door one last time. I drove back to my own home and had a great conversation with my children.

 They told me that they feel the same way about our family home as I did about my parents house. The feelings of calm and serenity and comfort has been recreated for them to enjoy. Im now the provider of all of those things to my children. A sense of peacefulness eased into my soul and I was content with this knowledge. My only issue now is to find a pool but the more important aspects of life have already been created and that’s a wonderful feeling. xo