Thanks for Reading Suburban Adventure

Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothers. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

No Shortcuts with Love

A close friend of mine who is much older than myself once told me that you don’t truly become an adult until both of your parents have died. I think of his words and wonder about the truth in that statement. My Mother has stayed with us a few times over the past few years, most recently it was when there was construction being done on her new home. 

 I have not lived with my Mother since I was eighteen  years old and we simply approach life in an entirely different manner. First and foremost she is the ultimate perfectionist, with everything and most importantly around the caring of a home. Her house is always in order, immaculate and  it typically looks like it has just been cleaned. Our family home was always perfect and we knew as very young children that our home was always in great order.

 The relaxation of kicking your feet up could be done in one room. For those of you who know the house I grew up in you know that  my Mother is extremely formal -she is a collector of art, antiques and many items that were not to be touched. 

Our house was built around her collections and that part of our home was much larger than the area where the relaxing took place. Our home was beautiful and there was great love there but it was not cozy.
 It was formal and this is the style that she continues to enjoy. I prefer warmth and comfort while still enjoying the beauty of art. My grandparents house was the exact type of formal that my Mother recreated. To not be fooled into thinking that every chair is to be utilized to sit in. It is simply a style of living and it was the way I grew up.
My Mother never worked outside of the home and her entire life has been dedicated to the family and the hearth. Everything was homemade and there were no shortcuts in preparing meals.  There was no such thing as the delivery man as we never ever had a food delivery made to our home. I didn’t even know that getting Pizza out was really an option as my Mother made it for us.
 Pizza in a restaurant was deemed less than desirable.  We did dine out often but it was when we would head into New York City or go to an upscale restaurant. It was never for casual dining although on occasion we would go to a Greek diner.  Fast food was definitely out of the equation and pre made meals were not on the meal plan. My Father would never eat McDonalds or anything that could be picked up at a drive thru window.
  My Mother is a wonderful cook and the time that she took into preparation of cooking began each morning. I remember her washing vegetables and preparing whatever the speciality of the day was immediately after she has one cup of coffee and one piece of generously buttered toast. I believe the extra butter to this day has been the only slight excess that I have seen my Mother indulge in, gastronomically. I have never seen her overindulge with food 
I enjoy dining out, we live in an area where there are fantastic restaurants.   Im happy to go to Garelick and Herbs, A and S or Balducci's  and purchase pre made food for my family. In this day and age, with everyone running in a hundred directions, prepared food has become a way of life for many people.
My grandparents would have been very disappointed to learn that on occasion I have also opened up a bottle of pre made tomato sauce. My grandfather had the most gorgeous tomato garden that was always rich with red, juicy tomatoes.  
My grandmother used to jar them and give us prepared sauce by the crateful. What a wonderful gift and one rich in love and tradition.

His garden was always overflowing with beautiful vegetables. He knew how to truly tend to a garden and produce beautiful things. My grandparents would not be happy to know that on occasion if Im in a hurry, I will use Mario Batali's Marinara sauce, but that is only on occasion.
 I still make my own sauce and delight in recreating the aroma that I used to wake up to every Sunday morning. The smell of garlic, oil and onion cooking could only mean one thing. It was going to be an early dinner, we were going to eat pasta with some type of meat and salad. This was or traditional Sunday meal and my Mother makes the absolute best tomato sauce that I have ever had. I can't recreate it, I have tried on more than a dozen times but it just does not come out like hers. 
Perhaps it is the love and effort that I knew she put into it, and into all of her cooking. She never took one short cut, everything was prepared lovingly and deliciously by her hands. My Father loved cooking on occasion, he made the best French onion soup and was enjoyed making hand made gnocchi. 
He loved to eat and truly delighted in all that my mother prepared. My friends from college always wanted to come home with me, they knew what would be waiting for them as we entered our home. Delicious aromas and beautifully prepared food that was a wonderful change from cafeteria food. My family was definitely spoiled by my Mother.
 I do make homemade pizza but on occasion I do order it. Im running a very face paced life that is packed with obligation and parental responsibility.  It’s been hard  to hide the pizza boxes from my Mother and since she sees me running around all day, I think she is on to my tricks. It also resembles a pizza that looks nor tastes anything prepared in my own kitchen.
When I have time, I love to cook homemade dishes, sauces and stews but the truth is- Im always on the go. Cooking is a labor of love and huge effort. I never realized the effort it took because my Mother made it all look so easy. In fact, she made running a household and caring for children appear very easy.
 Now I know the challenges that she must have faced and truly appreciate all the love and effort that was beautifully given to my brothers and I and of course my Father. I am blessed to have such a loving and graceful Mother. She truly is a very special woman. xo

Monday, March 3, 2014

Timely Love


“An unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth.” Bonnie Friedman

I need a soundproof office, fifteen hours of uninterrupted time and someone who can tend to all the tasks while Im not being interrupted by the endless needs of life and children's needs. 
Is that too much to ask for- well apparently it is since I have not had that increment of free time in over ten years. Time- we all want it , we all waste it and too much of it on our hands makes us all a little bit crazy. I enjoy being busy but I need me time. Time to think and create. Time to reflect and time to work. Time to meditate and clear my mind.
It’s the continual  interruption that makes me insane. Not always, but particularly this week as I have been working on a few projects. As a writer uninterrupted flow is a beautiful gift, as a Mother it is an impossibility. 
The requests that I hear from the family room are often the following: Im hungry can I have a cookie, can I get an app, can I buy a song, can we go to Jack Wills, when are we going skiing etc. . It doesn’t end and Im the type of Mother who aims to please. That is problem number one. I have become a glorified servant... not that glorified  --I guess Mothers are all servants to a degree, it is built into our care taking nature. Ninety percent of the time I don’t mind but when Im trying to focus, it makes me grumpy. I need silence to focus. One of the results of being brought up in a quiet home. I have recreated the same peacefulness under my roof, however on occasion....
I wonder if I feel this way even more so since Im the sole parent. I have to answer all the questions, respond to all the issues and problems and provide a solution to all  of the day’s quandaries. I have no one to carry the rest of the load. There are two people that are relying on me for solutions and a whole host of other things.
 Im so used to it that I seldom think about it but when I do, I admit it is quite a job for one person to manage. 
So, my request for fifteen hours of uninterrupted time- I doubt it will come soon so I mist embrace the here and now. I keep close to me the reality that this is the period of time that I am in.
 I embrace the good fortune that I have the ability that I can raise my children where and in the manner that suites me. I know one day I will miss the hell out of both of them. Just thinking about that makes me want to go and do something special for them, thus part of the problem perhaps is me. I indulge in their satisfaction, that too must have been born as I became a Mother.  I can think of much worse things. 
Have a great  Monday xo

Thursday, February 6, 2014

My Child and Yours


“If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.” 
Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

The following statement does not currently work in my favor but it is the absolute truth. I find that when my children are upset, it disrupts my entire sense of well-being.

Last night, as I heard the rustling of papers, the jumbling of items being tossed around- I had a bad feeling. I knew that in a few moments, the agita would set in and I would either join Christopher on his mission to find something or at the very least experience his frustration

I know that it is unrealistic to have happiness under my roof one hundred percent of the time.  However, I do aim for a calm and steadfast environment. I promote harmony and good will daily as it is my natural disposition. Im blessed in that my children are generally happy people.


I find it basically intolerable when my children are distressed about something even if it is what I consider to be a small issue. I take on their frustration and then we are all stressed out. Fortunately this is not a common occurrence but it happened last night. Christopher is a very well-organized and highly structured 13 year old. I don't have to remind him or ask him about any of his responsibilities as he is self motivated.

He had misplaced a paper that he needed for school and was getting annoyed. Over time I have become less involved in helping him find things or solve issues.  I believe that as a parent, it is my responsibility to teach my children how to deal with difficult moments. 

This was going to be one of them as I irritated him more with my line of questioning.
As a single parent I think I go to extra lengths to help maintain one hundred percent satisfaction all the time.
 It’s not realistic but someone how I think it is my way of making up to my children the fact that their father is not local.

It’s a big weight to carry however I have gotten better over time. I realize I can't make up for what he may be lacking. I can only provide the absolute best of myself. Last night, the best thing that I could do was to leave Christopher alone and let him solve his problem.He did and rather quickly. 

There are times when helping our children is a disservice to their growth. As nurturing Mothers, it can be hard to step aside but we must. What will transpire will bring you great satisfaction. You are teaching your child life skills that are far more important than learning dependency.
Kids can’t be happy one hundred percent of the time. We are all human complete with bad days, upsetting moments and such. It is important to experience and learn how to navigate through those moments when we are young.
I can’t give anymore than I do.
Im doing the best I possibly can raising them completely alone.  One day, when they are parents they will  understand the meaning and depth of my commitment to them. They will understand the challenges that I face and the love that I feel for them. 

They will understand why at times Im silent as they are frustrated.

 It is a practice which is strengthening their ability and confidence in themselves. One day they will comprehend all of my actions- this understanding only comes with being a parent. xo

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Mother- Dear Mother

"The hand that rocks the cradle is the one that rules the world."  W.R. Wallace

My Mother is on her fourth week of staying with us and I have come to a realization. I do not share her love of circulars the slightest bit.  I don't want to see the Stop and Shop nor the Shop Rite circular.  I know what I need and when I need it I will purchase it.  My Mother will buy nine thousand rolls of paper towels, nine boxes of three pack tissues, and three thousand sponges.  You can never have enough paper goods, apparently.

She lives alone and ten people could survive in her house without shopping for paper goods for seven months- okay six.
The point is she enjoys stockpiling and is prepared for the next snow storm.  Have we ever not been able to get out the next day after a storm?
 It's an illusion dear Mother that we will be snowed in for more than a day or two maximum.
 Oh, and by the way it's doesn't snow in Florida where you spend your winters. I also remind her that if the paper goods are not in fact on sale this week, rest assured- the sale is coming back and we won't miss out.

I like to keep a light inventory.  I suspect this is a result of city-living or perhaps having grown up with my Mother- Im rebelling.  It certainly won't be the first time so I suspect she should be used to it by now.

She is very sweet and is continually cutting out articles for me to read. The most recent one was how to prepare efficiently for the Holidays.  Hey- my tree is up and most of my shopping is finished- I think Im doing rather well all things considered. I read the articles to appease her and then agree that they were indeed very helpful.  Don't ever tell me that Im not a team-player.

One of my best friends lives in Manhattan and we couldn't stop laughing the other night. She was telling me "When Mom comes to visit" stories. Apparently when her Mom sees garbage in the trash can, she will say... "Honey, were you going to throw this out"?
My friend is over forty years old... and has lived alone for twenty plus years-
Dear Mama -My guess is that  she's got the garbage thing all sorted out, however,  Im sure she appreciates your reminders.

Our Mothers, we love them and they drive us crazy. It's a funny mixture to be shared with girlfriends and no matter how old we are... the stories all have the same theme. They believe that they have a better way of doing everything so they simply want to "help us" by sharing their tips.

Girls- give in to it-- they truly are trying to help so bite your tongues, tune out and just smile and nod. It's much simpler that way. Oh and by the way, Shop Rite is having a BOGO free sale on their paper towels so you better go today- don't want to miss out on the big savings. xo






Sunday, November 13, 2011

No Shortcuts With Love

A close friend of mine who is much older than myself once told me that you don't truly become an adult until both of your parents have died. I think of his words and wonder about the truth in that statement. My Mother is staying with us until her new home is ready to move into. I have not lived with my Mother since I was eighteen  years old and we simply approach life in an entirely different manner.

My Mother never worked outside of the home and her entire life has been dedicated to the family and the hearth. Everything was homemade and there were no shortcuts in preparing meals.  There was no such thing as the delivery man as we never ever had a food delivery made to our home. I didn't even know that getting Pizza out was really an option as my Mother made it for us.
 Pizza in a restaurant was deemed less than desirable.  We did dine out often but it was when we would head into New York City or go to an upscale restaurant. It was never for casual dining although on occasion we would go to a Greek diner.  Fast food was definitely out of the equation and pre made meals were not on the meal plan.  My Mother is a wonderful cook and the time that she took into preparation of cooking began in the morning.